Getting Rid of Items after a Loss by Barbara Gillett Saunders, Grief Counsellor Thanatologist The topic, ‘getting rid of’ clothing and items after someone has died or left a relationship is viewed from different perspectives.
It’s our Rhubarb Sauce that made us famous! Join the Festivities! Clothing can be made into teddy bears, memory quilts and pillows to name a few ideas that can be shared for generations. Think before you throw. There are also scenarios where items need to be dealt with as soon as possible. In such cases, there is a greater chance of mementos being gone forever. I caution against throwing out everything. If you have a sensitive side, perhaps consider if there is anyone who may want an item or two. Look beyond the immediate family; often there are friends who are greatly affected by a loss and if they do not already have something personal, would appreciate a reminder of their special person. Grief is a process and everyone is unique in how they deal with loss. There are ways of keeping memories, and using belongings or clothing pieces creatively can be a reason for keeping some things. to which she replied, ‘No’. With sadness in her eyes, she said his (not her) children took everything. I spoke with a man in his sixties who shared how he has nothing that belongs to his mom who died when he was aged eleven; no pictures, items… nothing at all. To this day, grief is a large part of what troubles this man. In many cases, there is no need to hurry up and dispose of items. It is not uncommon for items to be left in the house for a few years or longer. There are some people who have to keep everything for fear of throwing the item out or giving it away too soon. In this situation, I would suggest the first step of putting the items in rubber bins or boxing them up and storing them safely. At a later date, the stored contents can be sorted through. Having said this, in all reality, if items are left in storage for too many years another generation may end up disposing of everything after you have died.
Hometown St. Thomas I remember speaking with a widow a week after her husband had died and asked her if she had anything of her husband’s, How fast do you want to ‘get rid of’ the belongings now? Sometimes, the best intentions may cause more harm than good. Perhaps, if you are helping someone who wants to ‘get rid’ of everything, suggest they keep one or two items or set them aside in case they are needed in the future. Suppose, your partner has died and you don’t know what to do with their belongings. You contemplate thoughts of when to pack the items in a box or bag; then you ponder when and how to dispose of the items. Do you make this decision alone, with other family members, or is the decision made for you? Hmmm… do I have you thinking now? What if you are the person who made the decision for someone else? How do you know when is the best time to let go of something? Do you get rid of everything, or keep a few items? Consider for a moment a grieving widow, widower, child and others. Who needs to hold onto something that is familiar? Picture an individual who needs to wrap themselves in an old sweater their husband wore, or a child who needs to smell mom’s scent again.
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All articles written by Geoff Rae unless otherwise noted. Copy Editor – Peter Bloch-Hansen Publisher – Barb Botten barb@villagerpublications.com Graphic Artist – Cathy Wood We look forward to hearing from you. Geoffrey Rae Managing Editor / Sales Geoff@villagerpublications.com • 519-495-7177
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Page 36 Hometown St. Thomas • May 2025
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