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The goal is to fill it out several times, once for each key person in your life (significant other, child, co-worker, friend, etc.), invite the VIPs in your life to do the same, and then share that knowledge with each other. By understanding and honoring each other’s approach to communication, you’ll be able to better connect with one another. The tool delves into how you prefer to give and receive information (most people assume those are the same, but after using the Conscious Communicator, they discover they’re not). It outlines different types of information exchanges (day-to- day, meaningful, and life-changing), and asks you to identify your preferred methods of communication (in-person, verbal, or written), amount of detail (on a scale of 1 to 5), and environment (setting/time of day/frame of mind) for those conversations.
It also helps you consider how tone, emotion, and body language impact the way you give and receive information, and it gives you the opportunity to specify how you can improve communication with the key people in your life. BETTER UNDERSTANDING = BETTER COMMUNICATION I’ve seen this tool become invaluable for so many, as it can bring clarity to communication issues that have caused disconnects for some time. For example, one of our team members used the Conscious Communicator to improve communication with his wife. After filling it out, they realized how vastly different their day-to-day communication preferences were. For him, when it came to attention to detail, he preferred to catch up on daily info at about a 1 to 2, meaning a quick recap of the facts. His wife, on the other hand, was at a 4 to 5.
TEACHING THEM TO COMMUNICATE WHILE YOUNG
FROM TODDLERS TO TEENS, THESE SKILLS ARE CRITICAL FOR OUR KIDS
When our daughters were young — just learning to express themselves — as parents it was all we could do to keep up with their big feelings, help them work through their little meltdowns, and start to communicate what they really needed.
parents’ attention, and getting along with those we spend the most time with. When our girls get frustrated with each other, we help them
they’ll feel better (and build stronger relationships of trust) when they deal “above the line.” By this, I’m referring to a principle Doug shares in his book, “Entitlement Abolition,” where he cites Marshall Thurber, the businessman and author who teaches that we need to avoid shame, blame, and justification (living below the line) and instead take accountability and responsibility (living above the line). While better communication is a work in progress for all of us (see Doug’s article on p. 1 for tips on leveling up your own communication), I wish you all the best in helping the young people in your life develop these critical skills early. It can help them thrive in their future education, careers, and most important, their relationships!
But now that they’re in high school and middle school, life has become so much more complex, their worlds so much bigger, and their need to truly communicate even more important. I have to give my wife, Heather, a lot of credit here, because she’s good at “speaking Shelby and Sienna,” teaching them how to build communication skills as they mature. If you have kids or grandkids who you’re likewise trying to help develop better communication, here are a few things we’ve found that can help (and by we, I mean mostly Heather!). GET TO THE ROOT OF THINGS Let’s face it: Siblings are going to squabble. It’s an inevitable part of sharing a home, vying for
realize that a lot of times, it’s not about who lost the phone charger, for example; it’s often something deeper. Maybe one of them is stressed about friends or a big project at school, or maybe they’re both still feeling out of sorts from a past misunderstanding. We try to help them unravel what it is they’re really upset about so they can resolve the situation, feel some empathy, and offer a little grace. DEAL ABOVE THE LINE It’s easy when we hurt others or make mistakes to find something or someone to blame. When our girls start to deal “below the line,” we help them see that
–Aaron Andrew
2 3DimensionalWealth.com
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