A guide for adults Don’t: • Avoid them because you’re uncomfortable • Say you know how you feel • Say, ‘You ought to be feeling better by
Do: • Take care of yourself • Work on your own grief, guilt and blame • Allow your child or children to grieve in their own way • Find professional help for your children if you feel they need it • Try and find helpful ways to remember the person who has died • Find time for surviving children but also allow space • Prepare your children or child for unhelpful remarks
now’ or anything else which implies a judgement about their feelings • Tell them what they should feel or do • Change the subject when they mention their loss • Avoid mentioning the death out of fear of reminding them of their pain • Make any comments that in any way suggest that their loss was their fault. There will be enough doubts and feelings of guilt without any help from anyone else
It’s emotionally draining to be supporting a grieving child. You cannot ‘make things all better’ or remove the pain, and working through the child’s emotions as they learn to adapt to the loss places an enormous strain on school staff as well as family. Staff may well be grieving themselves if they also knew the person who has died, or it could trigger them due to previous losses. It’s also possible that staff neglect their own needs and feelings.
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