Age development stage model Judy Sanderson, Acorns Hospice, the Child Bereavement Trust
2-5 years Children develop power of fantasy/ imagination, partly to deal with an increasingly difficult world. ‘Magical thinking’ can make dangerous things feel safer. If a sibling dies there is a risk that a child of this age may believe they caused this through their destructive fantasies. Children of this age think in literal, concrete items, and therefore euphemisms sometimes offered to soften the blow of the death can cause confusion and misunderstandings, so are best avoided. Many adults may wish to exclude children of this age group from the knowledge of a loved one’s fatal illness. However, fantasies can build into mysteries, which are scarier than reality. Children may seem to take things in their stride and this can be hurtful to parents eg a five-year-old asking for her dead sibling’s toys in a practical response.
0-2 years Most clear and focused implication is of separation from those who are loved and needed. Babies as young as six-months-old are likely to respond to the disappearance of a close attachment figure i.e. significant carer who provides security, love and continuity. Also, an 18-month-old toddler who sees an insect squashed and says “no more”, “gone”, reveals a rudimentary understanding of death. However, they do not generally understand the more subtle qualities, such as the dead creature cannot feel.
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