with Dr. Clyde M. Narramore
Dr. Narramore, graduate of Columbia University, New York City, is a psychologist and Consultant in Research and Guidance with one of the largest school systems in the United States
leaders. It gives, what I trust is, pro fessional help in counseling. Perhaps your pastor will want this book. It is now available at all Christian book stores. For yourself, I suggest you contact a neurologist or a Christian psycholo gist or psychiatrist. In your case there is one in a neighboring large city. MOTHER VERSUS SON Question: Could you tell me how to overcome what seems like an impos sible, never-ending problem in our home? W e are Christians but we surely don’t sound like it in our home. M y nineteen year old son and I can’t seem to be together at home without the fur starting to fly. What is more disheart ening about this is that there are only three of us at home, since my husband, an alcoholic, died a year ago. W e have had a fam ily altar for a year now. One daughter is in Bible College and really rejoicing in the Lord. I also have great joy in Christ. The 19-year-old is greatly interested in Bible reading and talking about spiritual matters, but still we clash constantly. W e have both prayed and 1 suppose the daughter prays about it too, as it is mighty unpleasant for all. If I knew of a Christian psycholo gist nearby I believe I would try to get the money together to consult him. It seems I have no hope that this can ever be any better. The fault may well lie in me, but I can’t dig it out if it is. Our pastor is a fine, wise man and he knows all about these things, but the situation is so longstanding I feel it may need other professional counsel to get at the root of the trouble. Is there any help you can give me? Answer: You are fortunate to have a son who loves the Lord Jesus Christ. You should indeed be grateful. By all
means, don’t divorce him from you by arguing with him. You are the parent, and you must take this first step in working differently with him. Have you ever learned to communi cate with your son? A boy of 19 is quite mature and has a mind of his own. He is essentially grown. This means that you must respect his maturity. Evidently you are not considering him as an adult, but rather, as a little boy. This erroneous concept of your relationship must change if you are to be successful with your son. Now this is where the Lord comes in. If you will set aside some time each day to pray for your boy and to ask God to help you respect your son’s maturity, God will give you the special help you desperately need. Learn to reflect what he says rather than argue with him. For example, if he should say, “ I hate my job,” you could say, “You feel, do you, that you are in the wrong job?” This would prevent an argument, and it would signal to him that he is an adult with the right to express himself, and that you are encouraging him to say more. In turn he will respect you. Naturally, you do not have to agree with him, but neither do you need to tell him you don’t agree. This type of counseling places you in a different role— a clarifier, not an arguer. By using this technique you will help him to think things through, get better ideas, and to become mature. Try it. Should your boy be attending a Christian school? Perhaps he needs a Christian environment with other young people. You might encourage him along this line. I am sending you my booklet en titled “ Keeping Ahead of Teenagers.” It will give much additional help. (Any reader may have a copy of this new booklet. Write me directly: Box 206, Pasadena, California.)
FRIGHTENED PASTOR Question: / am somewhat disappointed in my pastor. W e go to a Gospel preaching church. Recently when talk ing to my minister about my problem, I indicated that I thought I was mentally ill. I noticed that he looked very frightened and soon terminated the conference. Since then he runs in terror from me because he knows nothing about mental illness, and it frightens him to talk of it at all. Why don’t ministers study such things before they become pastors? Answer: I can understand how you feel, but please don’t be too critical of your pastor. He is undoubtedly doing the very best he can, and surely no min ister can know everything about the many problems that come to him. Ministers are receiving more prac tical training these days, but they also face a multitude of complex, clinical problems. My new book, THE PSY CHOLOGY OF COUNSELING is writ ten for pastors and for other Christian
NEW ARRIVAL IN NARRAMORE FAMILY
Dr. and Mrs. Narramore, with daughter Melody, admiringly look at the new arrival in the Narramore home, 21/2 month old Kevin Dale.
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