Adverse Witness
THE NONCHALANCE OF ‘ISMS
Kathy Hackley, M.C.J. AW
Thank you for joining me for this one-sided conversation. Bear with me as I share my understanding of ‘isms. The definition of the suffix, ism, is as follows… 1. A distinctive doctrine, cause, or theory 2. An oppressive and especially discriminatory attitude or belief. (Merriam-Webster). I will not define nonchalance; I think we all know what it means. So, the “Nonchalance of ‘isms” may be interpreted as a casual utterance or interaction used to remind a certain sect of people to remain within the stereotypical box that society created for them or that they created for themselves. Whether it be racism, sexism, colorism, liberalism, conservatism, or any other characteristic the ism is attached to; when it is utilized it can become divisive and oppressive. I believe there are three main ways people can be separated by ‘isms. The first is overt, probably the easiest ism to identify. Examples of this could be calling someone a racial slur, refusing to serve people based on a specific characteristic or verbally demeaning someone based on a specific belief. Hopefully, we can all agree that this type of behavior is easy to recognize and combat. Then we have covert ‘ism use. This is a little harder to immediately recognize as it tends to be undercover, hence its name. This is a pattern of diminishing someone through actions and words because of a bias that has been left unchallenged. Covert racism could be discarding resumes when the names sound too ethnic or attaching a limitation on certain employment candidates because the duties are perceived as more suited to a male or female. It takes a little longer to uncover the use of covert ‘isms. But a pattern does eventually emerge. Finally, we come to the use of nonchalant ‘isms. This is a phrase I coined years ago when I relocated from Georgia back to Washington State as an adult with my husband and high school age children. I bring this up because it was quickly obvious that different areas of this country employ combinations of ‘isms in different cocktails. I immediately recognized the use of nonchalance as a tool to separate, divide, demean and / or oppress. Nonchalant ‘isms, in my opinion, are the most insidious use of ‘isms. A person exposed to this type of exchange may find it difficult to define why they walked away from an interaction feeling slighted. The dismissive nature of nonchalance in this form makes it difficult to combat; it is bigotry shrouded in passive aggressiveness. Use of nonchalance forces a person to disprove something that they are not even aware of and fail a test they did not know they were taking. Imagine a school aged child trying “unsuccessfully” to engage in a classroom and the teachers’ bias -belief that the child is less than because of a certain characteristic -
transfers itself to the child. The teacher never calling on the child when the child’s hand is raised or showing surprise when the child does get an answer correct, is diminishing. This same child could combat the use of overt ‘isms by specifically addressing the words or outward actions of the teacher. The child may eventually notice a pattern with covert ‘isms and be able to prove that the teacher has a bias. But nonchalant ‘ism use just makes the child feel inadequate and stupid. Even if the child or his parent tries to address the issue, the teacher typically can hide behind ignorance of the bias or blame the child for being “overly sensitive.”. Similarly, nonchalant isms tend to be buried in jokes. Jokes that on the face seem harmless, but in truth are degrading to others. Usually when these “jokes” are challenged there is the response that “oh you can’t take a joke” or “why are you so sensitive” or the worse response - tears and statements like “I am not biased, I have friends who are…such and such.” And “why are you being so mean and angry, it was just a joke.” To end I must say that we all have some type of bias, the key is to be honest with ourselves. Stop hiding behind arrogance, guilt and/or fear. Learn how to recognize the appearance of your bias and then mitigate the impact it has on others. Many of these biases can be neutralized through diversity of exposure and relationships; maybe step out of your self-confirming silo of interactions and face yourself in a different environment. Remember you do not have to agree with, love, or even like all people… but you must live in the world with them, so stop inflicting wounds because of your brokenness. Kathy Hackley, M.C.J. Mediator, author, consultant, speaker and advocate… but most importantly wife, mother and Yaya to four grandchildren.
July / August 2022 Vol. 210
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