1. 2. 3. EMOTIONAL MATURITY Does your child have the capacity to let someone else into her life and connect at a deep level? HASHKAFICALLY SOUND -- If your daughter is just off the plane from seminary and seems to have “flipped out,” she may need some more time to acclimate and get more grounded. Give her a chance to see how the changes that she made in seminary work in her life back home. Before she starts dating, you want to make sure that she is solid enough in her hashkafa to choose someone like-minded. FINANCIAL STABILITY Is your daughter starting school? Does she have a job? Are you willing to help financially if she is not quite on her feet yet? These are tough questions and you and/or your spouse should take your time to iron out details with your daughter prior to officially starting to date. Once these foundational pieces are established and your child is ready to start dating, it is good to do the following: • Create a dating resume or profile. This should include basic demographics such as name, address, phone num- ber, date of birth, height, education, profession, parents’ names and professions, siblings’ names and ages and spouses where applicable, shul affiliation, and some references with phone numbers. Some people include friends as references as well. • Get some good pictures taken, whether they be done by a professional or are pictures from a simcha. It is worth investing the time and energy to get a good photo. Everyone who is in the shidduch world asks for a picture. It’s simply the way of the world nowadays. The reality is that it is the first thing anyone looks at before even opening the resume. Some tips on pictures: • Don’t crop a picture. Use one that is a regular size. • No selfies or mirror selfies. • Don’t have other people in a picture! I can’t emphasize this enough. Guys will inquire about everyone else in the picture but the suggested person! I kid you not. This happens more often than you think. • Write a few lines of bio or blurb about what makes you unique. You can talk about hobbies, interest in aliyah, in- volvement in chessed, your personality type, what you do on a rainy day, etc. This should be something that takes the one-dimensional element out of the paper profile and may make someone think, “Hey, I may want to meet this person!” • Network, network, network! It’s how the dating world works. Use your discretion with whom and where you share your personal information. It can be family friends, family, rabbis, shadchanim. If you take the shadchan route, note that there are certain organizations such as Adopt a Shadchan and YUConnects with dating platforms to consider as well. Also consider going to events that fit your demographic. Your Boca Connector, Aviva *Note that this response is not a one-size-fits-all approach. Some take dating into their own hands and meet more organically without parents getting involved in the process. Hatzlacha and remember to breathe!
For more information on local events or to share your dating resume with the BocaShadchans, please email bocashadchans@gmail.com.
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