6. HELPING OLDER PEOPLE COPE WITH GRIEF It is easy to underestimate the effect of grief on older people because they are “used to it”. Older people may have developed ways of coping with grief but that doesn’t make grief easier for them. In fact, cumulative losses over a lifetime can lead to severe grief or “bereavement overload”. With age, older people are already experiencing losses in their income, health, independence and status. The death of a spouse can be devastating for an older person because it can mean the loss of the last close relationship and source of physical affection. Although older people may be more realistic about death, they often have an intense fear of dying – in particular, dying alone. Older people may also be more reluctant to talk about how they feel or express their grief. It may help to explore their “history of loss” by asking about the people they have lost, and how they came to terms with the loss. Older people need opportunities to describe their losses and find meaning in the losses and change. Talking about their experiences and acknowledging their pain and distress can prevent further depression. However, volunteers must walk a fine line between supporting an older person and encouraging self-pity. Genuine grief work lifts despair and bring relief.
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