• The person who openly expresses their feelings about the death of a loved one is better able to cope than the person who keeps to him/herself. • Usually, three months after the death, family members will adjust and begin to seem normal again. • The best thing to do is to forget about the dead person. • If the loss is not the first, the person usually heals faster. They have been there and the second time is easier. • Because of the duration of the illness, family members and friends should have an easier time coping: they expected the person to die. • Personal belongings should be disposed of as soon as possible. This way there are no painful reminders around the home to upset family members. • People who visit the gravesite are just living in the past and refusing to move on. • It’s best to protect young children from death and not express your emotions in front of them. • Wait until the child is older and then explain to them what has happened to their loved one. • Having many sympathetic people around tends to prolong grief. Grief takes time – at least a year and a half -- and people grieve in different ways. They need support and understanding, and the chance to talk when they want to and to express their grief in their own way.
How Volunteers Can Help People Who are Grieving • Be with the griever in their pain; don’t shy away from it • Affirm and reaffirm the griever’s value as a person • Allow the person to express anger, even towards you. • Explain the process of grieving, and explain that the emotions they are experiencing are natural • Reassure the grievers that they will survive and the pain will diminish, and encourage them to recognize the good that remains after the loss • Help the person decide what to do with mementos/reminders • Plan a schedule with the grievers and help them keep to it • Help with the necessary decision-making, but don’t make the griever’s decisions • Give comfort in ways that you would appreciate • Bring “aliveness” to the person: plants, children, pets, people • Plan for difficult events such as anniversaries and holidays • Encourage the person to develop and maintain friendships and connections • Watch for escape into addictive patterns and behaviours • Recognize the griever’s vulnerability and help prevent exploitation • Recognize and reinforce each sign of returning strength • Try to find ways in which the griever can give as well as receive • Help the family deal with practical concerns such as bills and the funeral
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