Grieving is a personal journey and people’s needs will vary. Volunteers should never make assumptions about how people will handle grief or tell them what they should do. Volunteers can help by using their communication skills and just being themselves. 2. STAGES IN THE NORMAL GRIEF PROCESS Shock. Some people never go through a prolonged stage of shock and are able to express their emotions immediately. Others say they feel numb and no emotions or tears will come. Sometimes there is denial. Gradually the bereaved person become aware of what has happened and is able to cry or show emotion. Emotional Release. Many people begin at this point. It is good to cry in grief, but some people may need permission to cry. Pre-occupation with the Deceased. The bereaved person may try to think of other things but finds him/herself unable to shift her/his mind from thoughts about the deceased. This is normal. Physical Distress . Symptoms such as tightness in the throat, shortness of breath or a hollow feeling in the stomach may come in waves lasting from 20 minutes to a full hour. Hostile Reactions . People who are grieving often display a disconcerting loss of warmth in relationships and a tendency to respond with irritability and anger. This anger is often directed at the doctor, nurse or clergy, and these feelings can make the bereaved feel that he or she is going insane. Guilt: There is always some sense of guilt in grief. The bereaved think of the many things that they felt they could have or should have done, but didn’t. They accuse themselves of negligence. If there was any unresolved anger with the person who died, the bereaved person will feel guilty. Depression: People may feel there is nothing to live for and that nothing seems worthwhile. They feel helpless/hopeless. Withdrawal: People who are grieving often withdraw from social relationships and they sometimes find normal daily routines are disrupted. Re-entering Relationships : Over time, the person readjusts to his/her new environment (without the person who has died) and forms new routines and relationships. Resolution and Readjustment to Reality : The person gradually readjusts – although there will be times when grief reappears even when the person may have thought it was “all over”.
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