VALENTINE’S LESSONS
Talking to Your Adolescent About Relationships
Respecting Others Dr. David Anderson, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, believes it’s especially important to talk to adolescents about respecting boundaries. “One of the big lessons we want to be sending to kids at any age is that there are two people to consider,” he writes, explaining that adolescents tend to only focus on their own feelings and need to learn to consider how their crush may feel about them. This awareness might prevent them from overstepping someone else’s comfort zone. Respecting Themselves At the same time, kids and teens should know the importance of respecting their own feelings. Setting boundaries can be especially important when your child is confronted with an unwanted Valentine’s Day card or request for a date and feels pressured to reciprocate. “Boundary setting is imperative to learn during adolescence because it is a time of identity formation,” writes Dr. Marilyn Price-Mitchell in Psychology Today. “Healthy boundaries allow teens to feel respected, valued, and empowered to build positive relationships in their lives.” It also helps them handle uncomfortable social situations with grace and maturity. Crushes and first dates are a part of growing up, as is learning how to contribute to healthy relationships. Much like a first step or learning to drive, patient, loving parental support makes all the difference.
With Valentine’s Day approaching, stores are filled with chocolates, stuffed animals, and cards for significant others. Love is
in the air! Even though you may not realize it, your kids may also be
feeling the pressure. Crushes, dates, and broken hearts are part
of their lives, too, but they may struggle to talk with you about it. Thankfully, developmental
“The dental hygienist Allyson is so great! My 11-year- old and I both saw her; she does a fantastic job with explaining everything while being kind, gentle, and personable. My husband had Megan as his hygienist and said the same thing about her. We had Dr. Morales come in, and he was friendly and encouraging.” – Crystal Whitney “First time with Dr. Morales, and it went very well. My tooth had been bothering me, and they got me in quickly and took care of it. I have no pain, and everything is back the way it should be. Everyone was courteous and professional, so I will go back without hesitation.” –Scott Ingle experts have weighed in on how to approach these important and delicate conversations. No Laughing Matter Judith Myers-Walls, professor emeritus of child development at Purdue, urges parents not to treat their kids’ crushes as silly. We may know these early expressions of love aren’t that serious in the long run, but to an adolescent, the emotions are very powerful. “They are very easily embarrassed about those feelings,” Myers-Walls observes, “so parents and other adults should be respectful and not tease about those issues.” Rather than make kids feel ashamed of these early romantic feelings, let them know you’re there to talk to them about it.
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