B e a B etter L istener for S omeone
Who Needs to ‘Get I t Al l Out ’ It’s not always easy to share feelings of frustration, anger, sadness, or other strong emotions — but it’s healthy to share them. Sometimes, we need to vent and get it all out. Venting gives us an opportunity to release these emotions, which often leads to mental clarity. However, when someone comes to you to vent and share their heavy emotional burden, listening can be just as challenging as sharing. You want to be supportive, but you don’t want to interfere. Strong feelings and tough situations may be involved. What can you do to be the listener they really need? It starts with your body language. Open yourself to their emotional needs. Gregorio Billikopf, an interpersonal relationship expert at the University of California, Berkeley says if you begin the conversation standing, invite the person to have a seat with you. Another thing you can do as a listener is position yourself below their eye line. This puts the person venting in a more active “storyteller” position and you in a better “listener” position. While in this position, maintain eye contact. It’s okay to look down or away occasionally, but try to keep steady eye contact. Billikopf also notes that, as a listener, it’s important to avoid interjecting. Don’t offer input, suggestions, or guidance to the person venting until after the person has had the chance to get it all out. “During this venting process, there is still too much pressure for a person to consider other perspectives,” Billikopf says.
While you don’t want to interject, you do want to be an active listener. This means you don’t want to be completely silent. This is where “reflective listening” comes in. Occasionally repeat what the speaker says — but don’t use their exact phrasing. Reword slightly in a sympathetic manner. Don’t spin their words or mistakenly interject an opinion, as it may not be the opinion they’re interested in hearing. Alternatively, listening cues like “mm” or “hm” and nods are always welcome. One last thing to keep in mind: You do not need to offer a solution to the person’s problem or concerns. They may just be venting to get their negative emotions out, not looking for answers or explanations. If they are looking for answers or guidance, wait for them to ask. In the meantime, lend your ear and let them know you’re there for them going forward.
H ow to E at D uring the H olidays Wi thout Sacr i f icing Your Favor i te Foods or Your Waist l ine
Have you ever stood on a scale at the end of the holiday season and wondered how the extra pounds crept on? It’s no secret that a sugar cookie here, a slice of pie there, and a few glasses of eggnog in between can lead to a few pounds gained. When you’re surrounded by Christmas goodies, how can you resist? Luckily, there are a few ways you can protect your waistline this holiday season without completely cutting out your favorite treats. Be Choosy When you see a regular buffet of your favorite holiday treats, don’t immediately start scarfing down everything that looks remotely tasty and sweet. First, scope out the food — without a plate — so you won’t be tempted to start eating without really looking. Then, find the treats that are your absolute favorites and choose one or two of them to eat. You don’t have to give up sweets during the holidays; instead, eat with discretion. Don’t Go Hungry To ensure that you don’t overeat at a party or buy junk food that you don’t need when shopping, eat
a healthy snack before going out. Before you head out to a party, eat a snack chock-full of complex carbohydrates, proteins, and unsaturated fats. Apple slices with peanut butter work, as well as lean meats and cheeses. If you’re headed to the grocery store, eating a filling snack before you go will make you less likely to impulsively scoop up those sugary cookies and pastries in the bakery. Drink Responsibly (and Judiciously) If you drink alcohol, keep in mind that each drink will probably be somewhere between 150–225 calories. A glass of eggnog can have as many as 500 calories. Alcohol decreases your self-control when you’re eating, while also increasing your appetite. Make sure that if you’re drinking, you’re not doing so on an empty stomach. And to decrease the number of high-calorie drinks that you consume, drink a glass of water in between alcoholic beverages. The holidays are a minefield for any healthy diet. But with the right tools, you can ensure that by Jan. 2, your waistline won’t be worse for wear.
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