WICHITA’S HANGER November 2018
LIFE GIVES TO THE GIVER
Appreciating Our Battery Chargers and Establishing Healthy Boundaries
This time of year, a lot of people take time to think about what they’re thankful for. It’s a season of self-reflection, contribution, and give-and- take. It makes me think of one of my favorite quotes: “Life gives to the giver, and takes from the taker.” It’s about understanding your own behavior and the way it affects others, but it’s also about how other people affect you.
When I’ve done this with others, they sometimes realize that, unfortunately, a few of the people closest to them are battery drainers. In those cases, especially if it’s someone you can’t just avoid contact with, you need to establish a healthy boundary. You don’t want to constantly expose yourself to someone who takes your energy. Around the holidays, this is especially important.
Last month I mentioned the concept of people who energize us — battery chargers — and people who drain us — battery drainers. You’ve probably met some of both types of people. Hopefully, you’re surrounded by more chargers than drainers. They’re the people who have an abundant mindset, who give you unconditional love and support. different roles the people in your life play. In the first part, you consider others’ influence on you. It’s easier to point out who in your life is a charger or drainer. The second part of the exercise is a little more challenging: The goal of this portion is to identify who you drain or charge in relationships. It’s an opportunity to reflect on where you’re giving love, encouragement, and support to the people in your life, and where you might be limiting, draining, or negative. One of my favorite exercises to do is a worksheet that helps you reflect on the
On a much more positive note, this exercise is a really good reminder to appreciate the people who are battery chargers for you — those people who make you feel appreciated and loved and who add to your life. Let them know how much positivity and inspiration they give you. Find creative ways to let them know they are appreciated. Maybe it’s taking them out for a cup of coffee or sending them a thank-you card. proactive about communicating with your loved ones, be positive, and be the best person you can be in every relationship. With people who are your battery chargers, charge them back. These are the people who will be in your life five years down the road, and possibly for the rest of your life. It’s important to periodically take pulse of any relationship you have. Check in and be
BATTERY DRAINER VS.
A batterycharger ispositive,hasanabundantmindset,and showsunconditional love,encouragement,and support. A batterydrainer isnegative,hasa scarcitymindset,and tries to limit,discourage,anddrainus. + Who are you a battery charger to? – Who are you a battery drainer to? A B C D 1. Highlight all people in all four quadrants who will be in your life 5 years from now. 2. Eliminate contact with all people in Quadrant D and non-highlighted people in Quandrant B. 3. Create healthy boundaries for all highlighted people in Quadrant B. 4. Make sure to appreciate all people in Quandrant A, especially the highlighted ones. + Who is a battery charger to you? – Who is a battery drainer to you?
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Essentially, this exercise helps you evaluate the short- and long-term perspective of your relationships, in all areas of your life. If someone is a battery drainer, and every time you’re around them you feel negative, it’s worth considering whether they’re going to be in your life five years from now. The worksheet takes you through the steps to determine whether a person is draining to you, if you’re draining to them, and if it may be worth it to reconsider your relationship.
P.S. Ready to do the exercise? I have a “Battery Chargers vs. Battery Drainers” worksheet for you. Just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll send you the PDF. Let me know if you find it as helpful as I have.
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