Confessions of a payroll manager – “It’s Party Time!”
I woke up feeling surprisingly ‘un- Christmassy’ and a little underwhelmed. The weather was still quite mild for December, and I’d woken up to a ‘white sky’ day that was neither here nor there (and certainly not the winter wonderland I felt it should have been). Undaunted – and determined to get into the festive spirit – I finished my day’s work, turned off my laptop and began to get myself glammed up for a night out. It took me a while to realise that my outfit didn’t look quite right when I glanced at myself in my floor-length mirror, and noticed I was still wearing my slippers. I’d become so accustomed to wearing slippers when I worked solely from home that they barely drew my focus anymore. In fact, my dedication to them had seen me go through three pairs of slippers since the first lockdown (something I regularly dropped hints about whenever secret Santa conversations started up in the office). As we all gathered at the hotel – looking like awkward junior school children at their first disco – we scanned the room and discovered many of our partners from around the town and further afield had chosen tonight for their post-lockdown festivities too. It was like seeing a room full of mini cloned versions of our own team with everyone chatting and giving tentative elbow bumps and occasional hugs. As we dallied around the entrance to the room, Mr. Crumbitt suddenly arrived dressed as some kind of Elvis / Santa hybrid. As the team dissolved into fits of laughter, all awkwardness thankfully disappeared and we made our way, giggling, to the table. Once seated, the team handed out their secret Santa presents. I was thrilled
to discover that my ‘hints’ hadn’t gone unnoticed, and I was now the proud owner of a pair of novelty frog feet slippers, which promptly replaced my ridiculously painful strappy shoes and remained on my feet for the rest of the night. The party was in full swing and, as the main course was served, we finally got to see the much touted ‘Las Vegas’ Elvis who sounded distinctly Sheffield-based, as he wished us all a merry Christmas and launched into a rendition of ‘Suspicious Minds’. Yorkshire Elvis turned out to be a brilliant entertainer and we sang along with gusto, appreciating the absolute joy of being able to raise our voices in a room together, while laughing hysterically. We took team photos against the winter wonderland backdrop, pulled Christmas crackers and argued over what constituted the ‘winning half’. As the evening drew to a close, and taxis and cars departed for home, I reflected on 2021. It had been really tough for the team in many ways, but we had risen to every challenge and our employees had always had their wages in their accounts on time and in full. When you’re in a great team, you don’t just see colleagues, you see friends and I felt extremely proud of each and every one of them. Enjoy your Christmas party folks and have a peaceful Christmas all. o The Editor: Any resemblance to any payroll manager or professional alive or dead, or any payroll department or organisation whether apparently or actually portrayed in this article is simply fortuitous.
A fter last year’s only slightly to this year’s in-person Christmas party, with the big night planned for the third of December. Of course, legendary Christmas parties don’t happen without some pretty nifty planning and organisation, and that just unfulfilling virtual Christmas lunch, I had been counting the days so happens to be what my incredible payroll team do best. Stevie was tasked with finding the venue and, after a few false starts, flagged up a ‘sounds of the sixties’ night (with authentic ‘Las Vegas’ Elvis tribute) at the local five-star hotel, which included a full three course sit-down Christmas dinner. Mr. Crumbitt offered to subsidise the meal (all within the benefit in kind thresholds), with his usual caveat of being able to join us. As far as I could tell, the payroll team’s Christmas party would be the fourteenth such gathering that Mr. Crumbitt was ‘invited’ to. The man may be getting on in years, but he sure does love a good party. Tom organised the menu choices, producing an impressive colour-coded spreadsheet and printable name cards for the place settings, including details of chosen meals and various logos to denote dietary requirements. Jace – and his love of all things vehicular – was chief transport officer and organised taxis and shared cars. The morning of the party came, and Another anonymous episode revealing the world of payroll featuring payroll avatar, Penelope (‘Penny’) Fortham, who is payroll manager at the nation’s favourite biscuit makers Crumbitt’s Confections.
| Professional in Payroll, Pensions and Reward | December 2021 – January 2022 | Issue 76 48
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