easy after a heavy day’s work. But he had better lay down the newspaper to listen to the children, laugh and play with them, and pick up the paper after they are in bed. A father will watch, too, lest his only time with the family is when he is tired and inclined to be impatient. If he habitually stretches out on the living room couch and cannot be annoyed with the children, if he ignores his family except to demand quietness —¿this father is missing opportunities for happy companionship. He may need his rest, but he also needs his family and his family needs him. A father will show an interest in his child’s schoolwork at times other than just report card time. If there is diffi culty with schoolwork, or if his child is chosen last for a ball game, he will enter into the problem sympathetically. A wise father will understand that ill-tempered scolding can actually stop a child’s learning processes and increase the emotional problem that may be the cause of poor schoolwork in the first place. Father will want to supplement the school problem by taking the children with him to town, to the museum, the zoo or, as suitable, to the place where he works. And he should not forget that his own early home has quite a fascination to his children. He ought to walk with them through the meadows where he once drove in the cows. He ought to show them the place in the cornfield where he shot his first pheasant. Stories of what father did when he was a boy (other than misdemeanors) can furnish many pleasant and profitable moments for the children. Somehow these stories build better family solidarity. What about father’s life with his boys? It seems that the father’s golden opportunity with his son is while he is between the age of eight and fourteen. During those six years a boy looks to his father in a way that he never will again. This is the time for periods of relaxed companion ship — an easy flow of words or happy silence just as father and son desire. This is the time for frank talks on sex or any question that may concern a boy. These are the years especially important for building worthy ideals through the bonds of enjoyable father-son companionship. Usually a boy in this age bracket would rather be with his father than listen to the radio, or watch tele vision, or spend a quarter at the store. He wants and needs father more than the things father’s earning power will buy. A twelve-year-old boy persuaded his father to go ice skating with him. “Daddy fell down only twice,” he proudly reported to Mother when they returned. Daddy himself said, “At first I was as stiff as ten boards nailed together, but I soon limbered up and had a good time.” The son’s smiling lips and glowing eyes spoke their thanks for one of the greatest things in his life — his father’s companionship. 4. He can let his children be themselves. A wise father will not force his children into a mold. Together with his wife he will study the intelligence, abilities, interests of each child and allow for individual differences. John may be an avid reader, but Ralph excels most in working with tools. Although efforts will be made to help the boys to be well-rounded personalities, each will be encouraged in the thing he enjoys most and can do the best. At report card time father will not compare one child unfavorably with another but will help each one to com pete with his own record, trying to do better next month than he did this month. A positive approach will do most to help a child want to do better. A father was examining his children’s report cards. Some of the grades left much to be desired but while each child stood waiting for comments on his rec ord, father read aloud the list of subjects and the grade for each. He made no comment on the poor grades but when he came to an “A” he gave the child a hearty
handshake and said, “ Congratulations!” This kind of han dling will do more good than any amount of scolding or comparing with other children. 5. He can be levelheaded in the discipline of his chil dren. Good discipline begins with parents who are self- disciplined. Someone has said that it is amazing, in this day of supposed enlightenment, how many fathers still think that discipline is a matter of muscle. If a father takes measures against his children to relieve his inner frustrations, more is wrong with him than with the child he is correcting. If he rules chiefly by force or the threat of force, he need not be surprised if his children later defy all authority. If he does not help them to develop inner control at home they will not exercise proper con trol away from home. While avoiding the extreme of overstrictness, father will avoid the other extreme of being too lenient. Children want and need kind yet firm control for the sake of their own security. Although it sounds like a flat contradiction, children do not want to do everything that they want to do. Even the baseball game teaches us a lesson in this. Suppose the batter could have any number of strikes, the pitcher could throw the ball in any direction, the fielders and base runners would roam about as they pleased. Such a ball game would be no fun at all, and life is no fun for parents or children when there are no regulations. Though he makes mistakes and misjudges at times, father can achieve his goals if he truly loves his children. True love and concern for the children is what matters most of all. It will keep him from being overstrict or over- indulgent. It will prevent both coddling and cruelty. The Bibles speaks of this love that motivates a fa ther’s discipline: “Whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.” Out of deep love and concern, father disciplines wisely for the best welfare of the child. And he will remember that in his authority as a father, he is subject to the authority of a heavenly Father. 5. He will take the lead in making religion a reality in home life. As head of the home this is his duty and privilege. He is head of the home not as a tyrant or dic tator for his personal comfort and advantage but as leader in everything worth while •— a leader whose example and teaching can be safely followed. The tendency to expect the mother to carry the load of spiritual training in the home is one of the saddest things about present-day home life. Mother is his important as sistant and all members of the family can take an active part in family worship, but father is the spiritual leader. This is not so much a matter of status as a God-ordained responsibility to be fulfilled. The father leads in family worship, in churchgoing, in showing example. “The way to have a good son is to be a good father.” Young children have a way of looking up to father with almost unbelievable admiration. One day a little girl found her pet kitten, limp and almost lifeless, beside the road where it had been hit by a car. But she was not great ly upset. “Daddy can fix it,” she said. Think of the wisdom of God in ordaining that father, to whom the children look with such admiration, should be the one, chiefly, who should teach them the Word and lead them to the Saviour. Since father’s words carry extra weight with the children, it is a pity when he does not seize the opportunity to speak about God and His Word and lead the family in meaningful worship experiences. There is no greater blessing to children and “ children’s children” than Christian teaching of parents at home backed up by happy, contagious, consistent Christian living.
JUNE, 1964
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