Memories resurface from childhood that says, “Act like a lady.” We hear husbands or fathers say, “Quit itching for a fight,” when all we want is to be heard. And so, we often remain quietly compliant, rather than risk the appearance of callousness or disrespect for others. We mistake assertiveness for being aggressive In the workplace, both men and women hear that less-than-full compliance is unattractive, unbecoming, and unacceptable. Regardless of how cautiously we approach a topic, some make it crystal clear that leaving it alone is in our best interest. We’re told to go along to get along, while once again, censured to silence. Recovery provides a safe forum for men and women to become intimate with the meaning of these two words, and to sort out their fundamental differences. We learn this difference in a setting where aggressive behavior is never tolerated. Instead, we learn to be assertive, one component of which is choosing our words wisely. As we gain awareness of our non- negotiable truths, our ability to be thoughtful, yet assertive grows. As we speak, we let others know how we need to be heard, without resorting to anger. Some boundaries of assertiveness are to Say What We Mean, Mean What We Say, and Don’t Say it Mean.
What we learn and practice in our rooms of recovery has a cascading effect. Our assertiveness models strong, but not aggressive behavior for our children, giving them the confidence to achieve their goals with dignity and honesty. TODAY'S MEDITATION I am grateful to be born at a time when my self-esteem is validated through assertiveness; for me, my children, and for their children to come. "Truth does not sit in a cave and hide like a lie. It wanders around proudly and roars loudly like a lion." Susy Kassem
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