I am not in your inbox giving out lemon meringue recipes - remember that. I am a gentle but definite Times New Roman invasion of sorts.
Dearest Sober Queens, Some weeks ago went into a dusty leather trunk that my sister gave me which is filled with photographs and heirloom pieces from home with a note that said 'I hate tinned mandarin's' which I do. With a passion. And as a young child professed to all who listen. Extract from my Sober Journal Day 79 On day 79 my energy levels at times resemble my 10-year- old self where I feel that sense of childhood wonder finding a zing in my step and a peace in my breakfast kitchen simply saying to myself 'not today lady, not today.' That simple mantra grounds me keeping it real so if I find myself having a moment of nostalgia or wistfulness, I knock it on the head pretty damn quick. It is decisive and resolute, a short statement to the universe and I say it out loud as opposed to whispering. I find that reassuring as I am telling myself AND calling in my ancestor brigade to hold me true to it. Why my 10-year-old self? That was the age I ate way too many tinned mandarins and vomited for hours swearing to the universe that I and mandarins would be arch enemies for life said with my hands on my hips in a defiant stance. Red wine, tinned fruit, red wine, tinned fruit; both pretending to be fabulous however causing such reactions in my body that one threatened to destroy my life and the other made me ill for hours and traumatised for life around tinned fruit. I enjoyed the first bowl of mandarins as I enjoyed that first glass of wine each evening but it was the fifth bowl/glass that made me ill and queasy. Overdoing it on the wine front at times brought me to that horrible lonely place of sitting on my French or Spanish bathroom floor sticking my fingers back my throat to wretch up the poisonous liquid and give my heaving stomach some relief spattering many a pair of good shoes... Over four decades later, standing in my sunny early morning kitchen wearing blue pattern pyjamas, fluffy comfy slippers and a chopstick
holding up my hair, I now say to the universe I am forever that 10-year-old powerhouse of energy and determination and I undertake just like the war raged on all things fruit in a can, to never drink another alcoholic drink ever again in my lifetime and repeat to my universe, foot stamping in blind determination as me and my 10-year-old inner child s say not today lady, not today." I don't know what your childhood food dislike was but normally when we have bad experiences with food, be that tinned fruit or chicken, shellfish or curry we swear off it for life. Yet, having had a bucket load of bad experiences with wine, I kept at it trying to shape my life around smaller glasses, water between each red wine served and a million other Moderation Mary tactics. I dressed it up and dressed it down to make the whole situation more palatable but everything failed because I failed to grasp two important facts issued by every health authority in the world: Myth: I don't drink every day OR I only drink wine so I can't have alcohol issues. Fact: Alcoholism is NOT defined by what you drink, when you drink it, or even how much you drink. It's the EFFECTS of your drinking that define a problem. Myth: Drinking is not a “real” addiction like drug abuse. Fact: Alcohol is a drug, and alcoholism is every bit as damaging as drug addiction. Alcohol addiction causes changes in the body and brain, and long-term alcohol abuse can have devastating effects on your health, your career, and your relationships. As we head in to s new day, I hope you have the resoluteness of any ten-year-old who wilfully decides that she will never again in her lifetime have tinned fruit. I only wished I had grasped the nettle a decade earlier and taken the shackles off my feet so that I could dance. I hope your day is kind and filled with sober gold moments as you look skyward and join the sober dawn chorus saying not today lady, not today. Susan Christina x
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