Professional November 2020

Confessions of a payroll manager - All by myself (don’t wanna be!)

Another anonymous episode revealing the world of payroll featuring payroll avatar, Penelope Fortham (‘Penny’), who is payroll manager at the nation’s favourite biscuit makers Crumbitt’s Confections. I have to confess being always keen on the idea of working from home (pre-pandemic): pegging my washing out in the morning and knowing I could run and get it in if it rained, being in for every delivery, no more commuting so a longer lie-in. The reality has been rather different. I really am a people person. I like the interaction, seeing folk in full 3D without glitches or pixilation, and the general hum of the office, too: the chitter chatter with occasional outbreaks of collective laughter or initial call out of ‘cuppa tea?’ followed by a chorus of ‘oooo, yeah, go on’ and ‘not half’. To break up the silence I listen to local radio, and now know all the words to the Bathroom Workshop jingle and can lip sync all the terms and conditions to perfection. I also can’t stand Scorpions’ Wind of Change anymore because it’s played every hour on the hour just to vex me. (It’s additionally distressing because it’s been my go-to karaoke track for years!) To try and ease the loneliness (and stop me constantly talking to Alfie, my pet rock) I’ve scheduled team meetings Monday mornings and Friday afternoons – and started phoning in with ‘opinions’ when the radio goes into the heavier stuff in the afternoons. (I gave our local MP what-for about the lack of streetlights last Tuesday – he didn’t know what had hit him!) Regardless of the challenges of working from home, work has continued apace

in the payroll team. Pre-pandemic we’d been used to employees dropping- in to the office with queries. It was all informal but at least people knew where we were and felt able to approach us. Although emails have been pinging in (so people have still felt able to ask for help) it just seemed rather messy and slow. I tasked the team to come up with a virtual alternative, and I love what they’ve created! We now have a fantastic initiative called ‘Welcome Wednesday’ where the team are available on a virtual Zoom call for any ‘drop-ins’ and can then spin-out to a virtual chat room to discuss employees’ individual problems. (Jace has set up a way of collating the questions to create a FAQ section on our website if we get the same query coming up over and over.) When you first log in it’s a bit like looking at the panel on Blankety Blank, only this time you get to pick one of my lovely team rather than a celebrity to help you – which is probably for the best as I can’t imagine Julian Clary or ‘her from Corrie’ knowing much about salary sacrifice. Jace has taken on the task of going into the office once a week to pick up the post and collect any notes that have been left. The pile he brings round always amazes me. In an age of digital and paperless offices there’s still an awful lot of paper about; HMRC, Office for National Statistics, and the Child Support Agency all seem oblivious to the digital revolution. It’s always lovely to see Jace with the post every Thursday. I stand there at the door – hovering at what I hope is two metres – trying desperately not to break into a hug! We have a good old natter and he tells me all about Billie and Albert – ah, people! Crumbitts have adopted virtual team meetings too, and Mr Crumbitt has a

weekly live all-staff briefing to update the team on the business. It seems in lockdown we are all eating more biscuits and the factory is busier than ever. Last week, Mr Crumbitt announced that he would be sending out a ‘biccie box’ containing the new ‘Homeworking Heroes’ selection pack to everyone who was working from home – great for morale, terrible for my waistline. Another confession: aside from struggling with working from home, talking to Alfie and eating too many biscuits, I also found myself working later, all the time. I just kept on answering emails. One night it was 9pm before I stopped! Enough was enough (even Alfie Rock agreed) so the next day I set my alarm for 5.30pm, shut off my computer and walked around the block on a mock ‘commute’. Much better, and it helped me work off some carbs. I’ve just signed off the BACS – so another month of uninterrupted pay for our lovely employees – and it’s made me realise that when I first started in payroll this could never have happened. The computer I had back then would have had to be winched into my flat, for a start – and the internet was dial up so no chance of meeting deadlines or working smoothly. Although things are difficult and we’re all struggling, I’m thankful that we have the technology to carry on working – and keep on seeing each other, even if we do look like the opening titles of the Brady Bunch. n The Editor: Any resemblance to any payroll manager or professional alive or dead, or any payroll department or organisation whether apparently or actually portrayed in this article is simply fortuitous.

| Professional in Payroll, Pensions and Reward | November 2020 | Issue 65 52

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