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to the (former) idea, claiming generational differences for his hands that know no bounds. Or the brilliant stupidity of his “Italian Defense” trying to explain away his offenses, with the warped logic that Mediterranean types just love to touch people . It’s not his fault! It’s in his genes... as he’s trying to make his way inside her jeans. “I’m not a sex offender, I’m Italian .” We’ve all seen this movie before... These decrepit public servants often get sloppy, desperate, delusionally entitled, and empirically gross in the wicked Septembers of their years. But the Cuomos of the world would sooner let go of a skirt than unclutch the intoxicating highs of their power. Look, Cuomo, we let Nursing Home Gate slide – you knowingly falsified COVID death records and expedited swaths of elderly to their graves. You got away with that . But more is never enough, right, ex-Governor? Until it is. As it’s happened so often in the past few years, justice took the form of a #metoo chorus of nearly a dozen women (many of them former aides in his office) to break the Albany Bully into untold pieces scattered amongst the Catskills. But listen, now that you’re out of the Governor’s Mansion, there are scores of bougie assisted living facilities upstate that can accommodate you.
But it’s all cumulative, Cuomo... Take the inappropriate touching, mix in the nursing home scandal, and toss in the hypocrisy of your COVID-hero routine. Your resignation is as evident as your penchant for B.S. But listen, now that you’re out of the Governor’s Mansion, there are scores of bougie assisted living facilities upstate that can accommodate you. And don’t worry – they’re dying to have you. Now, on to this month’s runner-up... CDC DIRECTOR, A.K.A. DR. DOOM In a nation that agrees on nearly nothing, one of the few bipartisan sentiments is America’s ongoing eye-roll when it comes to the CDC’s conflicting pandemic messaging for the past year and a half (and sure to persist well into 2022). ROCHELLE WALENSKY, The much revered and maligned Patron Saint of COVID, Dr. Fauci, operates in tandem and acts as a liaison for the CDC, but officially works for the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (“NIAID”) while seated as the Chief Medical Advisor to the President. And though Fauci can grate as a pandemic spokesperson with his inconsistency and condescension (draped in a pious mask- shaped halo), there’s usually a relative reasonability to him.
American Consequences
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