Service Staff June 2025
MANAGING Grief Alesha M. Hernandez Grief is a fickle emotion. There are days that you may feel that you can “work through it,” and other days, grief paralysis will unrelentingly tackle you. Over the last couple years, there have been several deaths of my family members and friends and I’ve just “coped” with everything from the news to their services. (Well, what I figured was coping was honestly suppressing.) I lost my father when I was 15 years old. I openly acknowledge it, but death and all its effects have begun to trigger me in new ways. Each notification of death unburies the repressed grief and gives a grave reminder of the looming mortality that awaits us all. I’ve “coped” by working on something: extra duties at work, volunteering, cleaning, planning…something to occupy my mind. I offered help to those in need or pitched in with planning or coordination. I justified my “coping” with work that needed to be done or placing my feelings/reactions to death on low priority because I told myself that it didn’t directly affect me…and the show must go on in my day-to-day life. Grief wouldn’t maintain my household, get my kids to school, make dinner, or do my work. I regulated my grieving process to “my downtime.” Then, several friends of mine experienced devastating deaths. “I’m the strong friend,” I thought, “I can be helpful to them.” Or so I thought. I thought of all the helpful things that I could do, all the cute trinkets I could buy, types of flowers to deliver, or other “feel good” contributions to give, but it never happened. Days went by and instead of jumping into action for them, I withdrew. Each notification of death affected my core, disrupted my normally sturdy foundation, and shook my system. I had to take a moment to live with my grief. Not ignore it. Not suppress it. Not try to regulate it. I was still helpful and offered assistance where I could, but I had to unbind those feelings. I told family, friends and colleagues how I honestly felt and I needed time to cope and to be present.
SERVICE MAGAZINE
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