than make kids feel ashamed of these early romantic feelings, let them know you’re there to talk to them about it.
VALENTINE’S LESSONS Talking to Your Adolescent About Relationships
Respecting Others Dr. David Anderson, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, believes it’s especially important to talk to adolescents about respecting boundaries. “One of the big lessons we want to be sending to kids at any age is that there are two people to consider,” he writes, explaining that adolescents tend to only focus on their own feelings and need to learn to consider how their crush may feel about them. This awareness might prevent them from overstepping someone else’s comfort zone. Respecting Themselves At the same time, kids and teens should know the importance of respecting their own feelings. Setting boundaries can be especially important when your child is confronted with an unwanted Valentine’s Day card or request for a date and feels pressured to reciprocate. “Boundary setting is imperative to learn during adolescence because it is a time of identity formation,” writes Dr. Marilyn Price-Mitchell in Psychology Today. “Healthy boundaries allow teens to feel respected, valued, and empowered to build positive relationships in their lives.” It also helps them handle uncomfortable social situations with grace and maturity. Crushes and first dates are a part of growing up, as is learning how to contribute to healthy relationships. Much like a first step or learning to drive, patient, loving parental support makes all the difference.
With Valentine’s Day approaching, stores are filled with chocolates, stuffed animals, and cards for significant others. Love is in the air! Even though you may not realize it, your kids may also be feeling the pressure. Crushes, dates, and broken hearts are part of their lives, too, but they may struggle to talk with you about it. Thankfully, developmental experts have weighed in on how to approach these important and delicate conversations. No Laughing Matter Judith Myers-Walls, professor emeritus of child development at Purdue, urges parents not to treat their kids’ crushes as silly. We may know these early expressions of love aren’t that serious in the long run, but to an adolescent, the emotions are very powerful. "They are very easily embarrassed about those feelings,” Myers-Walls observes, “so parents and other adults should be respectful and not tease about those issues.” Rather
If you think of your dog or cat as a member of the family, you’re not alone. A recent survey from The Harris Poll revealed that nationwide, 95% of pet owners have similar feelings. While we know a dog isn’t the same as a child, we also know that a dog isn’t the same as the furniture, so it’s little wonder that the matter can be confusing. In the past, the legal system treated pets like furniture. At times, judges would even order the sale of the pet so the spouses could split the proceeds. Luckily, grim situations like that are less likely to happen here in California. In 2018, California passed a law that allowed judges to consider the best interests of the pet when awarding custody. Judges can create “co-pet parenting” arrangements similar to child custody arrangements, such as joint or sole ownership with visitation time. In addition, they can issue temporary pet custody orders while the divorce is pending. There are no guarantees your family law judge would choose to handle the issue this way. The language specifically says the judge “may” enter an order, not that the judge has to. They are free to continue to treat pets as property, just as before. Some judges believe it’s impossible to know what is best for an animal. WHO GETS THE PETS IN A DIVORCE?
There is still reason for hope, though: Less than 10% of
divorce cases go to trial here in California because
most settle out of court. This means that 90% of the time, you and your former partner can look
at the pet’s needs and determine for yourselves what will work for both you and your family.
Before going into the negotiations, search your heart to determine whether you think the pet would be in worse straits while living with the other party. If you can both acknowledge that you want your pet to be happy, it will be easier to come up with equitable, creative solutions. If you want sole access to the pet, you might have to give up on something else you really want. You might have to agree to take less spousal support, for example, or agree to a smaller share of your former partner's retirement fund.
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