Friends with Cancer or an Illness by Barbara Gillett Saunders, Grief Counsellor Thanatologist Recently, I was reacquainted with a friend. Similar to what many people are experi- encing, my friend has cancer. Another friend has cancer, and another has died; it
to be grateful for the small things in life and tell my family and friends more often that I care and love them. Now seriously, cancer and other illnesses are a fact of life in every age category. With this in mind, have you given any thought to how you would deal with a friend who is dying or worried about the seriousness of their health situation? Have you thought of how you would want your friends to be with you if you were dying or death were a potential? Hmmm: food for thought. A few things to consider are: the severity of the illness; how well an individual is able to handle visits; the needs that are vital, and can you assist in the care if necessary. Another concern is if you are mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually ready for the changes that are to come or have already begun. Ohhh, don’t forget about the person who has cancer or an illness. Maybe they don’t want your support or others hovering around them. Honour their decisions. Plus, having cancer or other illnesses is not necessarily a death sentence. Perhaps the challenges of dealing with the emptiness and loss when they died will create unanticipated changes. For some, there may be no one else to talk with -- no one else who knows you as well as your friend does or did. I read an article of a man in his late 90s who went to the emergency room of a hospital with suicidal thoughts. A doctor overheard this man say to the attending physician: “I know no one anymore. My last friend died”. Death can happen to anyone at any time. Cancer or any other illness can deprive someone of a longer life. Be prepared and ready, after a friend dies, to help yourself with the ‘what to do now’ question. Sitting home alone crying for days, may sound good, but do not use this as your long-term solution. Often, I ask clients who are struggling with their loss, “What would your friend want you to do now?”, “What would you want your friend to do if the roles were reversed”? The replies are mostly the same -- they want the surviving person to be happy, to find joy in life and go on living. How about you? What are you going to do or are doing already? Are you finding happiness or joy, even in small places?
seems like everyone is dying. WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT? Part of me wants to say Wow, is it catchy? Another part of me wants to run and hide, or do something proactive to stay protected from what might come, BUT this is really a wake-up call telling me (and perhaps, you) to enjoy every moment I have,
Page 32 Hometown St. Thomas • November 2025
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