An Open Letter to Parents of Teenagers by Jen Haworth
Dear Fellow Parents,
Talking to teenagers is hard. Talking to a teenager about the dangers and consequences of
underage drinking, drug use, and impaired driving? Even harder. But it doesn’t have to be. The
truth is, in the blink of an eye, our grade school-aged children have grown into teenagers and none
of us were prepared for it.
Some days, we hardly see our kids except in passing, coming and going from school, sports
practices, and hanging out with friends. They are driving now. No longer do we see their reflection
in our rearview mirror, safely strapped into the car seat. The days of holding little hands, blowing
noses, or attending kindergarten graduation parties are over. Our teens ’ desire to separate from us
and make their own way is normal and all how it should be. We are all experiencing this transition
in some way. Still, it doesn’t make it any easier on our families. It seems like just yesterday we
were their entire world and now we are no longer needed. But nothing could be further from the
truth.
Teenagers need their parents/guardians/caring adults more than ever. The stresses of
growing up today, especially with the presence of social media and constant cell phone use, are
not what you or I experienced as teenagers. The pressure to get a driver’s license as soon as a
teenager is legally eligible is another added strain that many teens face. Their friends are driving,
and it is a social expectation among their peers that our children will too. Along with this rite of
passage comes a new, enormous responsibility placed on our teens.
The reality begins to sink in that many of us will not have discussed the dangers of impaired
driving before they get behind the wheel. When one in four teen car crashes involve an underage
drinking driver, hard conversations need to be had. Regardless, many of us feel uncomfortable
talking about even the simplest of topics with our teens. Believe it or not, kids are more likely to
listen to us when they know we’re on their side. Now is the time.
With the help of MADD’s Power of Parents program, we can feel empowered as parents
to have these difficult conversations with our middle school and high school students. Based on
research by Dr. Robert Turrisi, the Power of Parents handbook is an easy way for parents to read
and execute specific strategies on how to have purposeful, open-ended conversation about the risks
and consequences of underage drinking and other drug use. We as parents have a critical role in
influencing our teens to not consume alcohol before the age of 21 and never get into a car with a
driver who is impaired. Evidence shows that these types of conversations are an effective measure
in making teens think before they act. By implementing these strategies, studies showed that teens
are less likely to drive impaired and less likely to get in a car with an impaired driver. Parents also
found that after using the Power of Parents handbook on a regular basis, their teenagers drank less
overall and refused more rides with impaired drivers than those that did not. For our older teens,
there is no better time than now to begin these conversations with prom season just around the
corner.
In a recent survey appointed by MADD, evidence showed that parents might be
underestimating their role in preventing underage drinking. Of the teens that were surveyed, three
out of five teenagers claimed their parents were the number one influence in the decisions they
made. As a mother of two teenage boys, it doesn’t always feel that way, but this is enough data to
prove to me that we do have the tools as parents to guide our children in making safer, healthier
choices. With so many milestones in our teen ’s lives, we should feel empowered and encouraged
that our influence can help prevent unnecessary tragedies.
The most important thing to remember is to start those conversations now. Recently, I used
the strategies in the Power of Parents handbook with my very precocious thirteen-year-old son.
Only time will tell how much he took from it, but I plan on staying persistent and making time for
these types of conversations frequently. I su ggest you try it tonight with your teenagers. Don’t
worry, you’ve got this. You have more influence and power than you realize.
An Open Letter to my Fellow Teens by Ben Haworth, MADD Teen Influencer
Being a teenager is tough. But I don’t need to tell you that. We’ve all had moments where
we felt like we didn’t fit in. We’ve all made countless mistakes and will most certainly make
more. These will be the some of the best (and worse) times of our lives. Trying to figure yourself
out is hard enough, but when you add in the pressures of school and a social life, it makes things
even more complicated. It seems that everyone wants us to act like responsible adults, but really,
some days we still feel like kids. Then there’s the negative peer pressure we all have
experienced, along with the influence social media has on us. Our parents are busy, and there are
moments when we can’t help but feel alone.
How do we begin to make the right choices when everything is coming at us so fast? Our
future is determined by the decisions we make today. Many of us don’t know how to resist peer
pressure when it comes to underage drinking and drug use. Often we lack the tools to say “no” or
we simply make impulsive choices based on what our friends are doing. The truth is, we have
more power than we think when it comes to saying no to alcohol, drugs, and refusing to ride with
an impaired driver.
Having open conversations with your parents is the first step. Choosing friends that
support you and help you make good choices is equally important. After serving nearly three
years as a MADD Teen Influencer, I have not only been given a great opportunity to learn more
about educating the public about the dangers of impaired driving, but I’ve also been able to
develop my skills as a peer-to-peer educator in my community. Calling attention to the
importance of having these conversations with peers around substance abuse can help stop the
expectations we have of each other. Together, we can break the stigma that teens are powerless to
negative peer pressure or the assumption that we cannot resist “giving in”.
Recently, when I asked peers at school their stand on underage drinking and impaired
driving for an article I was writing, the responses were similar. For the most part, many teens I
spoke to are so busy with academics and sports they don’t have time to drink. Many are not
really interested in partying or have friend groups that avoid those kinds of activities altogether.
However, there were some peers that had a different perspective.
“ It ’s not a big deal to drive if you only have one drink.”
“I had to go home… my parents would have killed me if I missed curfew. ”
“I was fine. I wasn’t even drunk.”
“My friend had one beer. He was totally okay to drive.”
If you or your friends have ever said any of these things and you’ve gotten into a car with
an impaired driver or driven anyway, then this letter is for you. Think for a second how much
your life would change if a loved one, like your mom or your best friend, was killed by an
impaired driver – by someone who said they were “fine” after a few drinks . I guarantee you
would feel differently. Your life would never be the same again.
It only takes a few simple strategies to prevent a potentially life-changing tragedy.
Implementing a plan with your friends and having the tools before you go out is an essential
component in empowering yourself with the knowledge you need to resist the urge to give in to
peer pressure. Your future depends on taking the next step and influencing your friends in
making the right choices.
1. Make a choice to never consume alcohol or other drugs under the age of 21.
2. Make a pact with friends to do the same. It’s easier if you have a group to hold each
other accountable.
3. Always have a plan. If you find yourself in a situation where there is alcohol or other
drugs, support your friends and peers. They might be using substances and need your
help.
4. Never let a friend drive impaired and never ride with an impaired driver. If you need
a ride, call an adult you trust or one you’ve made a pact with to get a safe ride home.
Even though you might feel like you’re the only one who is not using alcohol or other
drugs, studies show that two out of three teens do not drink alcohol and four out of five
don’t use drugs. We’ve got so much to look forward to in our young lives. It is time for
us to be responsible, take a stand, make good choices, and have a plan. We owe it to our
future selves.
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