NEXT AVENUE SPECIAL SECTION
LGBTQ+ Caregivers: Challenges, Joys and Realities By Andrea Atkins
By 2030, there will be more than 7 million LGBTQ+ Americans over 65. Like their cisgender counterparts, many will find themselves in the role of caregiver for a loved one. But they may face some challenges that others do not.
Phil was good at doing things around the house. But now it's difficult for him to find the motivation to do it. Most days, he doesn't get out of bed.
"He just knew how to do everything. But it's difficult for him to find the motivation to do it. Most days, he doesn't get out of bed."
Here is one caregiver’s story.
Caring for a Partner Gary Posner, 70: I fell in love with Phil 26 years ago — several years after I lost my first partner to AIDS. Ours was a very stable and monogamous relationship. He gave me so much in those first years. I learned so much, and I enjoyed our relationship immensely. Around 2014, a shooter marched into Phil's workplace and opened fire. One of Phil's closest work friends was killed. That launched him into depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which he has not escaped. He has not worked since.
When I bought our apartment, the agreement was that I'd pay the mortgage, and Phil, now 60, would pay the maintenance. Well, that didn't pan out. He's done everything he possibly could to address this depression. He's done everything — all the meds, alternative treatments, therapy. Nothing has worked. He wants to get better, but it's been tough. As caretakers, we have to work hard not to get pulled in. We know that if we get pulled into sadness and depression, there's no hope. When I feel that I'm getting swallowed up by it, I have to double down on exercise and ensure I see my therapist. People have to figure out what's the healthiest for them — and what they can do to live a life that feeds them some positivity. Can you travel, take vacations, visit friends and family for a short getaway? Caregivers tend to think the people we care for can't do without us. We do everything for them, but you can make things worse by sacrificing yourself.
Read more of this story on Next Avenue.org
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