Case notes
Self-sabotage There is much to be gained in therapeutic work by being curious about what money means for clients, and helping them overcome their reluctance to talk about it. In my experience, when people argue about money in relationships they are often talking about control, power, fairness, equality. We can help our clients be re fl ective about their ability to give, receive, share, indulge, waste – all of which are often expressed through money. Their behaviour with money may be expressing something about their sense of agency and of
deservedness while they seek to ful fi l their longings for love and happiness. As a psychotherapist specialising in money problems I o ff er a place for clients who have tried every kind of fi nancial adviser or coach to tackle their fi nancial behaviour without success. Many know what they need to change but they are unaware of the feelings standing in the way of making change happen. Working with clients like Steve means asking what money means to him, and what he is trying to express through it. As Steve’s example shows, inaction can be
defence is often behind a client’s excessive generosity, as a way to defend against your own greed. 4 He suggested that self-sabotage could be linked to ‘success anxiety’, as success can be interpreted as a symbolic surpassing of our parents – the feelings of guilt or even fear of retaliation prevent us from achieving it. 5 His ideas about ‘repetition compulsion’ 6 – unknowingly recreating in the present a past traumatic experience – may help us understand what could drive someone to want to repeatedly hand over control of their fi nances in relationships.
42 THERAPY TODAY MAY 2024
Made with FlippingBook Online newsletter maker