Emma’s story
“The way our family was cared for and treated by the Ayrshire Hospice really made those memories such a foundation, I just remember them so well even today, sixteen years later.” Palliative and end of life care is unique in that it not only supports the patient but also the patient’s family. As special as that care is for the patient, it can have a lasting impact on loved ones who also receive care and support to cope with watching someone special in their life approach the end of life. In October 2008, the Ayrshire Hospice cared for Christine Blair, a devoted mother and grandmother. The care she received brought comfort to her family, but the support the family received had a lasting impact in particular on Christine’s then 7-year-old granddaughter, Emma. Sixteen years on, Emma has run the Edinburgh Marathon (with more to come!) to raise money for the Ayrshire Hospice in memory of her gran. She has never forgotten the Ayrshire Hospice and how the team cared for her gran, as well as helping her cope with loss at such a young age.
My sister Holly, who is two years younger than me, became part of our routine when my mum returned to work. Our gran would pick me up from school and then collect Holly from nursery. She would then look after us for a few hours in the afternoon until my parents got back from work. This continued through my first few years at primary school before my gran just got too ill to come up and look after us. As a result, we had to go into after-school care at Eaglesham. I didn’t like the after- school care much and just wanted for my gran to look after me again. In the Ayrshire Hospice One of the first visits to see my gran in the Hospice’s In-Patient Unit left a lasting impression. Her nurses were all so lovely, and after obtaining consent from our parents, they gave me, my sister, and my two cousins books on how to deal with grief as a child, together with lots of other information that really simplified what was going on. Being told a loved one is going to die pretty soon, as a child, it’s difficult to process that. However, I held onto these resources for a long time. Having them was comforting, allowing us to understand what was happening in a simplified manner . So, having the ability to prepare for it, as a seven-year-old, when you’re not emotionally mature and can’t process all these emotions properly, knowing what
was going to happen before it occurred made the process a lot easier. I was able to understand it much more. When you’re told someone has died or passed away, you don’t actually know what that means, and the books helped explain the significance. I felt like I was processing those emotions in advance because I knew it was going to happen; it was such a valuable resource. It helped put me at ease, these nurses had given me this information and it was done in a way to help me understand. Death isn’t an easy subject but it was done in a way that was relatable, with pictures and stories about other children and that sort of thing, and I still remember them so clearly. I think it speaks volumes for the Ayrshire Hospice team. If I had a question they would answer it and answer it in a way I could understand at the age I was at the time. I believe that if they had started saying, ‘Oh, it doesn’t involve you, that’s okay,’ in an attempt to shelter me from what was happening, it probably would have made the situation worse. As a result, I might not have these valuable memories sixteen years later. My grandpa was in and out of the hospital in my childhood, so I was never afraid of a clinical environment. There was definitely something different about the Ayrshire Hospice, it didn’t have that typical hospital smell, there were no overly bright lights, and it didn’t feel clinical. It’s hard to describe, but it just didn’t feel “hospitally.” I know
a lot of people do connect hospices with death and illness, but the Ayrshire Hospice didn’t have that atmosphere, and I think that put me at ease. Although everything wasn’t going to be okay, I did feel that it was a comforting environment. There are lots of things that I can remember
Emma shared with the Hospice: “I believe that having lost a grandparent quite young and being provided with the resources from the Ayrshire Hospice gave me a solid foundation for processing grief. This is because I knew at a young age what I might feel, how to deal with those feelings, and that it was okay to feel like that. I truly believe that I am better equipped now to deal with loss and grief due to the experience I had at seven years old.” ....................... My Gran died in October of 2008 when I was only seven years old. Today, I find it challenging to remember the duration of her illness and how long she spent in hospital as well as the Hospice’s In-Patient Unit. However, it’s a testament to the Hospice that while I have no memories of my gran in the hospital, I remember so much from her during her time with the Hospice. The way our family was cared for and treated by the Ayrshire Hospice really made those memories such a foundation, I just remember them so well even today, sixteen years later I was the first grandchild of four in the family and I spent a lot of time when I was young being looked after by my Gran and Grandpa. I have so many fond memories of going for days out and baking in the kitchen with my gran, which we did a lot. We would do all sorts – we would go to Culzean Castle, basically any castle in the area, any beach, anything. Blair Castle was a favourite of mine, and being a Blair, I was hoping that one day I would say I was a Blair that they would say “this castle is yours!”
to the hard work of the nurses, doctors and all the other staff. Supporting the Ayrshire Hospice means that more individuals and families, like mine, can receive the care they deserve. I wanted to say thank you to the Ayrshire Hospice by fundraising, and did so by running the Edinburgh Marathon. ....................... To my younger self,
and connect with the Ayrshire Hospice, and the Fairy Garden is the one I remember so clearly from that time. My gran would watch my sister and I from her room as we hunted the garden for the fairies. When you found them, the nurses would give us a wee certificate afterwards. You felt like you had achieved something. It was all the little things that made a big difference, that’s what I remember. They had this little drawer they would bring out and would say “Pick your chocolate bar” every time we came. Staff have probably thought nothing of it giving me a chocolate bar but sixteen years later I still remember it so fondly. ....................... Losing my gran was probably one of the hardest things I have been through. Despite being so young, I can vividly recall these memories, and not a day passes without thoughts of my grandparents, many of which are centred around the Ayrshire Hospice. It is truly a testament
I would tell her to experience all the feelings; it’s okay.
There are so many things you will do in life that you know would make Granny proud, even if she’s not here to them herself. To someone else in this situation, it’s not going to feel like this forever. Think of all the happy memories you shared and hold them close!” Donations are so vital in order for the Ayrshire Hospice to continue their work. Donating enables more families to create cherished memories even after their loved one is gone, like I did.
April 2024 | EDITION 36
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