Resolve Your Next Conflict
3 Skills You Need to Conflict resolution is never easy work. One wrong move can trigger the fault lines in an already complicated relationship. On the other hand, nothing good comes of allowing an unresolved problem to fester. Finding common ground is a must, even when it’s difficult or painful.We’ve provided resolution practices for both internal and external affairs so that you can be ready to handle any conflicts that come your way. Seek First to Understand “Good Leaders Ask Great Questions,” a book written by leadership guru John Maxwell, lays out the foundational concepts behind any effective conflict resolution session.Ask questions. If communication is a two-way street, then conflict resolution is a highway.Asking a great question starts the flow of communication.“Why?” is often the easiest and best question to start with. “FiveWhys” by SakichiToyoda is a method that you can use to untangle any issue.According to this principle, you can get to the heart of the matter within five times of asking why. Understanding and articulating the core of your issue will help you create a win-win scenario. Create aWin-Win In a win-win scenario, your conflict is resolved in a way that satisfies all involved parties. Ensure a win-win by taking these steps:
• Acknowledge the issue. • Find common ground. • Understand all sides.
• Attack the issue, not the person. • Develop a mutual plan of action. • Compromise is key
Most conflicts come from emotional wounds, and those wounds need to be healed.The only way to truly find a solution for both parties is to find mutual compromise. If you are coming from a place of understanding and working
toward a win-win, then compromise is a natural stepping stone to conflict resolution. If you aren’t, compromise may just be a way to put a patch on the problem instead of actually solving it. Successful conflict resolution resides in these three ideals, and all of them require emotional intelligence.A certain degree of self-awareness and empathy is the foundation of finding solutions.When these traits are combined with understanding, an effort to find a win-win situation, and willingness to compromise, you’ll find your conflicts resolved in an effective, equitable manner that will maintain relationships for a lifetime.
TRUE ‘GRIT’
DISCOVERING
If you’ve ever been told you won’t succeed because you lack talent, bring a copy of “Grit” to your next meeting. While teaching high school math, author Angela Duckworth noticed some of her highest-achieving students weren’t the ones with the highest IQs, while some of her “smartest” students weren’t doing all that well in class.“Why?” she wondered. She followed her curiosity to Penn State’s psychology program.There, she studied several demographics, including cadets at West Point, young teachers, and sales representatives. After numerous psychological studies, Duckworth discovered that “grit” was the common denominator in successful people. Duckworth defines grit as “passion and perseverance for very long-term goals.” People who display grit don’t start a project and abandon it a month later.They devote themselves to an overarching goal that drives everything they do. She explained that someone who practices grit goes through life like a marathon, not a sprint.
Perhaps most instructive is Duckworth’s equation (she was a math teacher, after all):
extra effort to achieve their goals, and that’s what helps them reach their goals if they don’t have innate talent. While this provides a strong case that those born with grit will succeed, grit doesn’t factor luck and opportunity into the equation, something that Duckworth is transparent about in her book. She says those who aren’t born with grit can develop it in four simple steps. First, identify an interest that can blossom into a passion. Second, practice that passion, a lot. Third, develop the belief that your passion has purpose.While it’s not an overnight transformation, these guidelines can at least give us hope, which is the fourth step: Hold on to hope that you can succeed. Our biggest takeaway from “Grit”? Look at failures as milestones on the journey to success. Getting gritty means failing and learning from it. Any of us can get gritty if we’re willing to put in a little elbow grease.
Talent x effort = skill. Skill x effort = achievement.
“Effort counts twice” could be the battle cry of grit. Gritty people are willing to put in the
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