knows? Is it the popular kids who will resort to “almost anything” to maintain their social status of feeling more powerful over others? Or maybe another group; the ones who are at the edges of the popular group, who troll the higher status group and wait for an opportunity to feel appreciated by the group that has always excluded them. As an 80’s kid, this all seems twisted. It seems as if the image of your profile pictures and timeline are what is most important. The visual imagery of what you do or who you are tagged with somehow takes precedence over how you feel and what you believe in. My boys, discover that inner dog in you, and try your best to find yourself in order to be your best self. Create your own version of happiness based on trust, respect, and affection—and avoid doing it at the expense of others. LESSON 2: FORGIVE “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” MAHATMA GANDHI As a teen, this can be very difficult to comprehend and, most importantly, to apply. At times, adults in your existence might not model or teach the act of forgiveness, which is defined as a conscious decision to release feelings of resentment toward a person or group who have harmed you. A quick reminder, forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean excusing others’ offenses. Instead, it brings you peace of mind and frees you from built-up anger. In this way, it empowers you to recognize the pain you have suffered without letting that pain define you, allowing you to heal and to move on. Imagine if you released all of your built-up anger that originated from peers, adults, academics, or athletics. How would that affect your personal relationships? Would you be happier? Would you be more open? Continuing with the theme of social media, if you released all of your built-up anger that originated from outside forces, what would your digital footprint look like? Would your Instagram, Twitter, or Snapchat posts have a different tone? Would they be as aggressive or offensive? Think about it. LESSON 3: TAKE ACTION “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. I can only imagine what some of you are thinking. “How can I do something if I don’t know where I’m going or what the process looks like? That’s too scary. I might fail or make a mistake.” Just remember, if you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask for the answer, it will always
“Create your own version of happiness based on trust, respect, and affection—and avoid doing it at the expense of others.” – AARON MULLEN
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I last stood at this podium when you were in third grade and gave the faculty speech to the Class of 2011. I issued three life lessons: Know when to stand up, speak up, and shut up. This morning, I will continue that tradition and also leave you with three other life lessons, supported by a quote. Today’s lessons are a little more personal as they shaped me during my first year of teaching while at The Urban School, and helped
be no. If you don’t step forward, you’ll always be in the same place. For those who might find this challenging, stay in the moment and don’t overthink things. Refine your inner thoughts with “How I’m going to get things done” versus “If I get things done.” I can recall this year’s CYO Red Team championship basketball game where, entering the game, consensus of thought was apathy and anxiety. Somehow, miraculously, in pregame warm-ups, those thoughts transformed into “I have this” and “I’m prepared.” In that game, those seven boys took convincing strides to control their destiny and kick some St. Brendan’s butt. As your coach, I never doubted if we were going to win that game. I was most consumed with the “how.” That game illustrated how a group of individuals taking positive action can yield positive results. Your class is a true representative of diversity and enduring experiences. Using Mr. Bertrand’s windows and mirrors analogy, while looking in the mirror your class is made up of 16 different zip codes, single-parent homes, and single-gendered family structures; some of you have experienced physically altering surgeries, death, tragedy, or parental divorce; you have a celebrity/television chef and an international-level soccer player as classmates; as well as students who have spent time in other states and countries. However, more indicative of the
uniqueness of your class is that one of your best athletes refers to being a “triple threat student” as one who excels at the violin, sax, and flute rather than basketball, baseball, and soccer. I can go on and on about how varied your personal backgrounds are. And what is so admirable is that those differences did not define you or prevent you from making genuine friendships during your time at CSB. Have there been challenges along the way? Yes. Some that required punishment and some that required a conversation. But there are times when it all comes together and makes sense, like on our kayaking trip on the Monterey Bay. Two stories stand out. The first is when Charlie Weltchek and Ares Williams, two of our smallest boys in the class, defied all odds when they decided they wanted to partner up and challenge themselves on the 90-minute trek back to shore. Even though they had to put in more than twice as much effort than all of the other pairs, their collective desire pushed them beyond their comfort zone at a time when they could only rely on themselves. The moment they made it to shore, the smiles on their faces and sense of accomplishment were priceless. Another example is the friendship of Earl and Whitner. When picking partners, the staff decided to pair Earl, who is a non-swimmer, with Whitner, who is a solid swimmer and who also has a strong sense of responsibility. While out
me grow into the man I am today. LESSON 1: BE YOURSELF
“Be yourself —not your idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of yourself should be.” HENRY DAVID THOREAU
As you advance through adolescence, you—as a young man— have to know what are your basic core values. What you stand for, who you stand for, what you really like to do, and why you really like to do it. Act as if you are a private school or tech start-up and you are held accountable for living out your personal mission statement. Why do I say this? Most of you are fully engaged in a subculture that is unregulated, highly sophisticated, and very unforgiving—social media. When emojis represent feelings and the amount of Instagram likes on your post or the number of online friends solidify social hierarchy, who is set up to be successful? What are the stepping stones to creating healthy friendships that foster intimacy and closeness when you are managing 1,000 friends or followers? Who
Continued on page 28 FALL 2016 • RED & GOLD | 27
26 | CATHEDRAL SCHOOL FOR BOYS
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