A neighbor was airing her views on her children’s behavior. “ I find it almost impossible to get any of my children to do anything I ask. It’s easier to get my husband to do it.” Is the children’s attitude con nected with the woman's attitude to her husband? Leadership is vital. No business can compete sucessfuliy for five minutes unless it has clearly de fined leadership. A country without suitable leaders would be chaotic. Christians look to the Lord as Leader, expecting His guidance. In the home, God has firm ly planted responsibility on the husband’s shoulders. Yet a hus band is not a dictator. His leadership is not to emu late the caste system of India, but to be a loving director of the home. His leadership does not mean that God made men superior to women, though men are usually stronger physically. Nor does leadership decide the husband’s and wife’s relative importance in the home. Happy domestic life comes when each adds his share to the family well-being. Giving man domestic leadership is a wise God’s plan for family life to serve best the interests of each person in the home. Leadership means responsibility. When a business gives a man authority, it expects him to use it care fully; to treat those in his charge kindly and fairly; to use it effectively, but never to abuse it. A husband has both sides of this leadership re sponsibility. He must treat his family kindly; he must exercise his leadership wisely to please God. Respecting wife and children as persons, he is responsible for earning an income that will adequately provide a home, food, clothing and other essential benefits. As the competitive world makes this increas ingly difficult, man’s expectation of life is five years less than a woman’s. While some households deem it wise for the wife to earn part of the income, the final responsibility for providing home support is the husband's. As the leader, he must be unselfish, not grabbing his own good at the expense of others, but seeking to give the best to each. When dangers rush at him, he must be courageous. His motives as well as his dealings must always be marked “ pure." His leader ship is always to be wise and prudent. He is also the spiritual leader. He is responsible for securing the domestic altar each day and for ade quate Christian education of his wife and children. He needs to encourage the spiritual life of all the family. When the Jews he was leading were at the cross roads, Joshua showed spiritual leadership in his firm resolve: “ As for me and my house, we will serve the
Lord” (Josh. 24:15). He would never permit false gods to be worshipped in his house, nor false values to rule the home. Only as a husband maintains his authority in his home will he be able to maintain his authority over the children. When that fails, the loss is tremendous. The husband’s responsibility does not end there. As God gave him leadership, He watches to see how he carries it. He expects the husband to use it firmly, wisely and lovingly. When he does, God will actively show His delight. This was His reason for revealing a special secret to Abraham: “ I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment” (Gen. 18:19). Yet leadership is not bullying domination. Should the husband mis use his position and abuse his wife, he has not only injured his wife and shown his own ineffectiveness, he has also put himself in a dangerous position before God. God has various ways of reminding the husband whose leadership is unused or misused. Eli was a better priest than a father. God reproved Eli’s negli gence when He said to young Samuel: “ I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not" (I Sam. 3:13). Human weakness may push the husband from his leadership. It is easy to take the way of least re sistance. When a wife, or worse still the children, seek to dominate the house, and the husband gives all his energy to business, he is tempted to allow this un warranted leadership to take over. When he is tired and the children clamor to go on an outing, to stay out late or have a difficult question to answer, he can shirk his responsibility with the words: “ Oh, ask your mother.” Or he can take second place by refusing to make his own resolutions, never getting further than saying: “ You heard what your mother said.” This failure has serious results. When a husband abdicates his role, he brings a loss of family dis cipline. As Gibson Winter says: “ Our tendency today is to assume that we can eliminate the authority of the husband over wife and yet retain the authority of husband-wife over the children. The Bible is more realistic about marriage than modern man, for the truth is that in dissolving the one hierarchy, we de stroy the other.” His wife will feel no respect for a husband who refuses the responsibility God has given him. He has failed his children. A father's leadership is most important to them. His shrugging off of re sponsibility is usually more apparent to them than
JULY/AUGUST, 1970
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