thing thrilling beyond words. In reality, this is not so. It is most often painful, difficult and yields for the girl almost no pleasure. Sexual compatibility requires months of patient work on the part of both partners. In addition, there is the fear of being found out, of losing one’s companion, and of the terrible guilt that is bound to arise from such an experience. Some studies show that twice as many engagements are broken among those who engage in pre-marital sex as among those who do not. Couples who engage in pre-marital sex are far more apt to be divorced or separated, or to engage in adultery, than those who do not. To wait is the only sensible answer to this problem. 4. But what if it is “too late”? To the girls read ing these lines who have already surrendered to fel lows and lost that most precious gem of virginity, let me say, "Don’t despair on the one hand, nor become ‘hardened’ in your way on the other. What you do with your life tomorrow is far more important to you now than what has happened in the past.” When we surrender our standards or violate those of society, we must necessarily suffer the pangs of guilt and regret. But do not allow yourself to wallow in the mortification of self-pity. That will do no good, either for you or your friends. Sometimes when a girl gives in to a fellow, she develops the feeling that she is duty-bound to marry him. Often, it is the boy who develops the remorseful guilty conscience and feels he must marry the girl. But experience proves over and over that there are rugged difficulties ahead for them both if they do marry. Where a child results from pre-marital sex, it is usually far better for the child to be offered for adoption. Then, after the couple is mature enough to know what life is all about, if they decide to marry, they may make a successful marriage out of it. Counselors usually rec ommend this procedure. Numbers of girls have adopt ed their children out, later married a different fellow from the child’s father, and had a very stable mar riage. Almost all counselors advise against marriage to a partner with whom one has become sexually in volved before marriage. This involvement is most of ten not a true foundation, degenerates into a legalistic affair in which each, or at least one, marries the other out of compulsion. Only heartache and sorrow can come of such a marriage. Even if it lasts legally, it can provide a horrible atmosphere into which to bring children. There is no law in the Bible which binds two people to marriage because of pre-marital sexual indulgence. It is best to find another and more whole some way out of the situation, and to try to make a marriage based upon love and understanding. Sex is a powerful force. It is far too sacred and too powerful to be tampered with by teen-agers, or even by older young people. Its right use in marriage can bring heaven down to earth, but its wrong use can produce indescribable suffering, sorrow and ruined lives. KB THE KING’S BUSINESS
ing an otherwise healthy and happy marriage. Again, we need only to look squarely at the pre mature marriages, illegal abortions and children born out of wedlock, to realize that the “ shutting off” tech nique is most often “ too little and too late.” The trouble with petting experiments is that they tend to become more daring with the extension of time and growing intimacy. The danger threshold comes closer and closer and soon few can stop short of the awful pitfall they had determined to avoid. Some boys will most likely not come back if a girl refuses to neck and pet; but then, they wouldn’t stay around long even if she did. They will soon be looking for other fields to play, other girls to conquer. If a girl yields, by this time she will be “ tied into knots,” but there will be no one around to help her untie them! Better keep what she can never regain in a whole lifetime — her virginity — and let the fellows do as they please. Most fellows lose respect for a girl who is an “ easy mark,” and after a torrid affair, they are apt to be gone. If they are at all sincere, they usually decide this is not the type of girl they want for the mother of their children. Despite all the talk to the contrary, let no one fool you — our society is still terribly bound up with the idea of the “ double stand ard,” in which a young man may have pre-marital sex experiences, but he wants to marry a virgin. One psychologist said to girls who decide they would not marry a man who believed in a double standard: “ My advice is to wait to make that decision till you are out of your teens. Such a decision calls for more maturity than a teen-ager can muster.” 3. When and how does a girl say “ No”? The only way to really call a halt to this game is for a girl to protect herself before she has lost her “ good g irl" status. She must make it perfectly plain to her boy friend that she doesn’t want to leave the party early, park in an out-of-the-way place, or spend the eve- ing alone in his or her home, while the parents are away or out of town. Such an honest explanation will seldom shunt off the fellow who is truly interested in a girl for what she is. If he is interested only in her body, he is unworthy of her, and the sooner she knows this the more heartache she can save. Sometimes older girls, now out of the teens and who have been going steady for quite awhile, have another type of problem. Dating has progressed to the point where both partners feel they cannot well wait much longer for the most precious of all love experiences. They must decide, then, whether or not to engage in pre-marital sexual experience, or to wait for marriage. For Christians this should not be a d iffi cult decision; but unfortunately, not all Christians stand the test at this point. Such a couple must face the following facts: No contraceptive, not even the Pill, is 100 percent safe. Pregnancy is always a possibility, even if re mote. Thanks to hazily written romantic books and movies, the first sex experience is played up as some- 18
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