Your thinking about the boy you did not marry may not actually be love for him. Instead, it is probably an attempt to get away from your current problems. Undoubtedly you have never become mature spirit ually or emotionally. You say that you r m o the r dom ina ted you throughout your childhood and that she is still doing so today. When people are continually parent-domi nated, they never have a chance to grow up. An important duty of a parent is helping a child to help himself. One of the jobs of mothers and fathers is to make themselves dis pensable. Your problem today is probably one of lack of assurance, lack of security, and a poor self concept. You do not feel adequate. Evident ly your mother robbed you of this. Can you change now? Yes, you can. Through sessions with a Chris tian counselor you can come to un derstand yourself. Little by little you will grow into a mature, godly woman. In time you can devote yourself to your husband and not be concerned about an old boy friend. When you become mature enough through counseling, you can understand your mother and do what is necessary there. You would be unwise to try to break away from your mother just now. After a few counseling ses sions, you will become sure enough of yourself to talk with your mother and explain to her that you are grown, that you love her, but that you must live your own life. She naturally will be hurt, but she will recover in time. I suggest that you get profes sional help soon. In doing so, you can resolve your basic problems. Remember, if you are saved, you are a child of God and He is in terested in you. He wants you to be a radiant Christian. Each day you should establish a time to read God’s Word and to pray. Do not neglect your fellowship with other believers. Claim this promise: “ I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye” (Psa. 32:8). ■ 27
FEATURE M
t a lk in g
it o v e r ...
with Dr. Clyde M. Narramore
Dr. Narramore, graduate of Columbia Uni versity, New York City, is a nationally known psychologist/He is the director of
one of America's largest psychological clinics — The Christian Counseling Center in Rosemead, California. fering from a degree of neurologi cal impairment (brain damage). So I would urge, that without delay you contact your own physician and ask him to set up an appointment for your boy with a neurologist. Let me say, also, that these are days when so much is being done to alleviate conditions due to brain damage, that it is a shame to have someone go through life, needing such treatment and not getting it. Q. This is a hard but desperate letter to write. My mother has al ways made my decisions for me. Before my marriage I was dating two boys — my present husband as well as another boy. My mother in terfered and tried to tell me whom to date and then whom to marry. I was so confused that on my wed ding day I knew it was a mistake. We have been married seven years and have two children. I am so un happy. My mother still tries to make all of our major decisions, and I don’t know how to stop this. I can’t think of anything but the other boy and wonder how it would have been with him. I feel so guilty that I am just about to lose my mind. I would feel so much better if I could just talk to him. Please help me to get on the right road. A. I receive many letters from men and women who say that they be lieve they have not married the right person. In your case you may be wondering about this other boy friend in order to escape your pres ent situation. Even if your mother had not interfered with your dating and your selection of a mate, you might have chosen this very boy. However, it would have been d if ferent to some extent — it would have been your decision.
Q. Please pray for our ten-year-old son. He is hard to deal with. He re sists all our efforts to win him by love, discipline, or anything else. We’ve tried all the suggestions from our pastor and our medical doctor and have diligently prayed and sought to lead our boy in the right way. He has had frequent blackouts and this disturbs us. Our family doctor has given him some medica tion but it hasn't helped. We took the boy to a Christian counselor. He was very nice and willing to help but he said he couldn’t do any more for our son. So this leaves us with an awful feeling of helplessness. Is there anything you would rec ommend? A. I am certainly glad that you have written me about this problem with your son. And, yes! We can help. First let me encourage you in that you have apparently left no stone unturned to get help for your son. You have taken him to a medi cal doctor. That should take care of his physical problems. Then you also had him see a counselor. This should have brought about results if his was an emotional or psycho logical problem. Most importantly, you have not neglected the spirit ual aspect. Yet all of these have not had the desired effect. Your boy is still far from being well. So we have to look again — and you have given the clue to what may well be his real, basic problem. Of course, without having the boy here where we can conduct certain tests, it is impos sible for me to state categorically just what is the diagnosis. But when you mention that this boy has suf fered from blackouts, this tells me that quite possibly he may be suf- JULY/AUGUST, 1970
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