Vol 1. Edition 2
News from CannaTown
Page 9
CANNASCOPES : Discover Your Fortune! Aries - Your dog’s sad howls will never make him much of a crooner, but you already told him that when he le your metal band. Taurus - e only reason nobody’s interested in your homemade cure for dermatitis, is that you keep showing them your grisly armpit. Gemini - What you used to think of as inner dialogue will turn out to be more like talk radio with a lot of guest callers. Cancer - e picnic was a romantic idea but you should’ve put some food in the basket. Leo - It ain't so bad to drink from the bottom of the barrel; that’s where all the nutrients are. Virgo - As the villagers kindly saw you to the gates with all your luggage you couldn’t help but ask again about that $11.
Libra - ey say gravity pulls us down but does it not pull us up? Does a cold rain burn? What is the meaning of these things? Scorpio - “Incompetence” and “Horror” are two words used to describe your handling of the whistling garbage disposal. Sagittarius - Sure, you’ll return to work, as long as you get to wear a bathrobe and helmet. Capricorn - You will inherit a great fortune. Wait, the stars messed that one up. A great misfortune. Aquarius - ankfully you will get a ve- minute window to x your tourniquet while the wolf packs ght each other. Pisces - People have recently started saying you look like Simon Cowell, but you’re not sure that’s a good thing.
What Came to Pass News in Brief
Support Grows for Poor Balloon Vendor Diego De Los Globos spent every day tinker- ing, blowing up, and selling his unique, artisanal balloons. When he poured his life savings into craing his own mini-blimps for publicity purposes--which were subsequently shot down--the heartbroken creator watched the debris fall to the earth, head in his hands sobbing in front of family and friends. “ ese balloons were my life’s work,” he told them. Now, a movement is growing to help Diego reclaim his items and about 2000 hours of surveillance footage. LOTR Reboot on Rocks Due To Nerd Pool e Warner Bros groups has announced a reboot of the early-aught classics, however original showrunner Peter Jackson and others have warned that the original nerd pool sup- plying the historical success and long-term circulation of the lm, is at risk of drying up over the next ve-ten years.
Report: Covid began at Brimley Bowl, Pg B4
Stories in Today’s Other Sections
Politician's resume says he drove into space in another dimension................................ E2 “Reefer Bear” lm essentially 2 hours of hibernating................................................ F6 Mummy comes alive at museum; unnoticed for 10 days .......................... ............ ...... G13 Store o ers THC-free bud, shuts down......... H1
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