American Consequences - December 2019

of them are surprisingly short in person.) How else will the 2020s be different?... In a development possibly related to celebrity devaluation, DC and Marvel finally run out of superheroes to make lousy movies about. Major studios are forced to turn to Harvey Comics. Richie Rich, Baby Huey, Little Audrey, and Sad Sack are given superpowers. Major league sports, now lacking star players, return to being just games the way they were supposed to be all along. Everybody plays for the fun of it and the losing team has to buy beer for the winning team. Meanwhile, baseball – which until the 2020s was operating on geologic time with innings measured in eons – finally gets speeded up due to the institution of a few simple rules: Each team gets one pitcher who has to pitch the whole game. No one is allowed to visit him while he’s on the mound. He gets only 25 seconds per pitch to check the base runners, adjust his cap, rub his nose with the back of his glove, and scratch himself in places where he shouldn’t in public. Also, the home plate umpire is given only half a dozen baseballs. When these have been popped into the stands or knocked over the fences, the game is done. Baseball games, however, don’t seem to be any faster. This is due to extensive recreational marijuana use in the bleachers and, for that matter, the outfield. As U.S. recreational marijuana use increases to the point that it’s nearly universal, cannabis production, distribution, and marketing become America’s largest industry... as

measured by an interview with a flying pony on Bloomberg Markets. Mike Bloomberg (surprisingly short in person) was accused of attempting to buy the 2020 U.S. presidency. In 2024, he actually does... although he only has to pay $9.95 because that’s all the office is worth after the Democrats get done trashing it – one way or another. Pizza delivery becomes America’s second- largest industry. President Bloomberg’s attempt to regulate flying ponies fails in Congress, but by a narrow margin because congressional representatives have the munchies and pizza has just been delivered to the Senate cloakroom. Peace comes to the Middle East (see climate change prediction above). Israel uses its Iron Dome technology to supply the entire country with air conditioning. Speaking of which, dress warmly... When any of my predictions come true, hell will freeze over. “ Supposedly famous faces will face a major downturn – a bear market among the barely recognizable. The trouble is, how do you short a celebrity?

American Consequences

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