its purpose is to gain something in exchange for love. The cheapest form of this kind of love is what we often meet in cheap movies, magazines, and nov els. "If you satisfy my desire, I will love you." Many people, especially young people, do not realize that the love they expect to win from someone by satisfying his or her sexual demand is a cheap form which cannot satisfy them and is not worth the price. Amnon, one of the sons of David, was attracted to his good-looking half sister, Ta mar. He pretended to be sick and contrived to have her attend to him in his room. One day he took hold of her and said, "Come lie with me, my sister." But she answered him, "No, my brother, do not force me; for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this wanton folly." Nevertheless, he would not listen to her; but being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her exceeding ly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her (II Samuel 13:1-15). This form of love is so selfish that it quickly turns into hate in both partners. Many marriages break up be cause they are founded on this "if" kind of love. The young bride or the groom is often in love, not with the real, actual personality of the partner, but with an imaginary, glorified, romantic image. When disillusionment sets in and the ex pectations are not met, the former love turns into hate. Tragically, it may not have been their fault; they may not have known that there was any love other than the "if" kind of love. We are all looking for something
more than the "if" kind of love. II. THE "BECAUSE" KIND OF LOVE The second kind of love is what I call the "because" kind of love. In this love the person is loved be cause of something he is, some thing he has, or something he does. There is a quality or condition in a person which makes someone love him. "I love you because you are so lovely." "I love you because you are so good to me." "I love you because you are so different from others, so popular, so weal thy, so famous, etc." "I love you because you give me security." We often love some person because of some lovable quality we see in him or because in some way he has won our love. This may be preferable to the "if" type of love. The "if" love which has to be earned would be such a burden, but it would be good to be loved because of what we are. If someone would love us as we are, we would not have to work so hard to be loved. It would put us at ease, knowing there is already something in us for which we are being loved. To be loved this way, however, soon becomes no better than try ing to win the "if" kind of love. Since it feels so good to have peo ple love us because of what we are, and seeking the growing feel ing of importance we get as more and more people love us this way, we strive endlessly to add to our circle of admirers. Now if someone else should come along who has more of the lovable quality than we do, we would be afraid that those who love us would love this newcomer more. Thus competition and endless effort to win love en-
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