ters into our lives. The baby of the family resents the coming of anoth er baby. The popular girl resents the new pretty girl in town. The young man resents another fellow with a flashier car. The wife resents the attractive, efficient secretary. Where is there security in this kind of love? “ Perfect love casteth out fear," the Bible says (I John 4:18). Then this cannot be the true kind of love. Besides the fear of competition, there are at least two other reasons why this “ because" kind of love brings insecurity with it. First, it makes us afraid that we may not really be the lovable person that our lover thinks we are. All men have two sides to their personality, to a greater or lesser extent. There is the side we show to people, and the other side only we ourselves know. We are constantly on guard to hide this second side for fear that those who love us may be dis appointed in us and reject us. Another reason for insecurity in this kind of love is the fear that some time in the future we may change and no longer be as lov able as we are. A very beautiful young woman in Japan was work ing in a cleaning establishment one day when a boiler exploded, and the fluid burned her face, chest, and hands. Her features were so badly disfigured that in the hospi tal she always wore a bandage over her whole face and allowed no one to see her except her doctor. The young man to whom she was en gaged broke off their engagement. During the few months she was in the hospital until her death, her parents, although living in the same city, did not come to see her. The love she enjoyed disappeared ov
ernight, because it was the love based on her loveliness. With it gone, the love was gone. Too much of love as we know it in our human society is of this kind, leaving us unsure of its per manence. What other kind of love, then, is there? III. THE “ IN SPITE OF" KIND OF LOVE The third kind of love is what I call the “ in spite of" kind of love. It is different from the “ if" kind of love in that it has no strings at tached and expects nothing in re turn. It is different from the “ be cause" kind of love in that it is not brought forth by some attractive quality in the person who is being loved. In this third kind of love, the person is loved "in spite of," not because of, what he is. One may be the most ugly, most wretched, most debased person in the world and would still be loved when he meets this "in spite of" kind of love. He does not have to deserve it. He does not have to earn it by being good or attractive or wealthy. He is simply loved as he is, in spite of the faults or ignorance or bad habits or evil records he may have. He may seem absolutely worthless, and yet he would be loved as though he were of infinite worth. This is the kind of love for which our hearts are desperately hungry. Whether you realize it or not, this kind of love is more important to you than food or drink or clothes or home or family or wealth or success and fame. How can I say this? Let me ask you just one ques tion. What if you felt in your heart that nobody in this world cared for you, and not one person really loved you; would you not lose Page 39
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