191
ALL TIED UP
ALL TIED UP
You can tell a lot about a Dulwich College student by looking at what is hanging around their neck. Peter Heller (Year 10) guides readers of the Alleynian through the semiotics of the Society ties, and muses upon what you might deduce about their wearers
History – The wearer of the history tie is desperate to regale you with any morsel of obscure historical knowledge they possess. You will find them continuously telling their friends about the Australian Emu War or sharing memes about Communism on a half-dead WhatsApp chat. Economics – The wearer of this tie does not see it as a stylish garment but rather as a free pass to a high-paying job in the City. The second that they tie the garish, pink elephant-adorned cravat around their neck is the moment that their £100k salary for life falls almost magically into their hands. They are aching to tell you about the latest stocks they’ve traded and how much money they have made by following Elon Musk’s investment advice, but they know all their endeavours will be futile as they will spend 40 years of their life behind a desk, trading currency for multinational oil companies.
Rowing – The blue rowing tie is more a cry for help than an item of uniform. Whenever any sane person sees someone wearing it, they cannot help but feel a pang of pity for all the early morning training drills, gym sessions and cold evenings on the dirty river. But these giants among men must be respected, because at the end of the day, they are immeasurably fitter than we mere mortals. Geography – Whenever mentioned, the geography tie elicits cries of longing and desperation. The elegant polar bear print causes those who do not own it to break down and cry. Those who do wear it are proud of doing so, and are guaranteed to share an interesting anecdote about the population density of Greenland or the intricacies of Papua New Guinean geopolitics.
Made with FlippingBook flipbook maker