too sharp. Their legs are too strong, not like wildebeest or zebras. But there are wildebeest and zebras everywhere.” He paused. “The guidebooks will not tell you this, but giraffes are homosexual.” John had no more said this than the two giraffes closest to us—one definitely female and the other very emphatically male—began to (and never has this slang term been used with more scrupulous precision) neck. “You’re wrong about these giraffes,” I said. “They’re going to mate.” “Not yet,” said John. “She has to kick him first.” Besides kinky sex, the economics of nature does seem to generate leisure time, at least for some species. On a riverbank meadow in the Tarangire, John and I came across a huge troop of baboons, more than a hundred of them. They were just, well, monkeying around; lollygagging , dillydallying, scratching their heads and other body parts, putzing, noodling, airing their heels, and engaging in constant chatter. About what I can’t say, but John told me baboons are a favorite food of the big cats. Baboons aren’t much different than we were in Australopithecus days. I wondered if this troop was us four million years ago. If so, the baboons are probably plotting revenge upon the predators. “Soon as we evolve, we take the natural habitat and pave its ass. ” But not just yet, I hope. Tanzania has creatures of such breath-catching magnificence that they turn the most hardened indoorsman into a mush on the glories of the natural world. It happened to me when I saw a mother cheetah stretched under a gum arabic tree with four cubs a couple of weeks old. The mother cheetah bore a startling resemblance to my high-school sweetheart from St. Ursula’s, Connie Nowakowski—the same tawny coloring, the same high cheekbones, the same little uptilt of the nose, and the exact, the identical eyes. Connie died in her thirties, years ago, and it would be just like her to come back as a cheetah. She’d love the drama, and the coat looks great. But how any male - cheetah got four cubs—or even a hand-job—from Connie Nowakowski is one of the mysteries of nature. A full quarter of Tanzania’s geography is some kind of conservation area. For so poor a country, this is a remarkable bit of ecoconscious forbearance. It’s not like the big game couldn’t be put to use. “Are wildebeest edible?” I asked John. “Yes.”
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