I am Jay. I was born into this world as a female. So as the story goes my parents assumed I would marry a nice young man and have beautiful children together. I grew up as a female, hadmy period, and grew breasts that I always hated. I was a “tomboy”. I got the “are you a boy or a girl?” question almost daily and I would be lying if I said it didn’t hurt me. I was continuously picked on for my size, and my self expression. It continued from the start of grade I AM JAY!
already planned a weekend together at the boat, we were both so pumped and ready. She was so proud and excited for me knowing that I had been waiting for this moment for quite some time. It took one month before my voice started to change, it took about two months for the oil to change on my face causing more pimples and it took about three to four months for my stomach and leg hairs to start to
June 2015
thicken. After about six months my facial hair had started to grow and by ten months it was super thick. Throughout the whole time though I had slimmed out and grew more of a muscle mass. It was awesome, the changes were incredible. It was all coming together and I was finally confident in myself, although there was still one thing that wasn’t quite right. I still had breasts. They were a huge pain in my behind. I couldn’t run around shirtless and I had to wear a shirt in the pool. It got in the way of me swimming when people were around or going to the beach. My mom came up to me when I was almost a year on testosterone and asked how old I had to be for the surgery and I told her I could get it whenever and so she made an appointment to see how we could go about getting it done. The doctor helped us and he got us started by sending the papers in for OHIP coverage and referring me to the surgeon. I was on
July 2016
two until the end of grade eight. I started out with a love and passion for school, but over the years it had slowly disintegrated to almost nothing. I just didn’t care enough to show up. During the year of grade eight, there were weeks that I would stay home 1-2 times. When I went to Celtic camp for our year end field trip I got everyone to call me Jay and it just seemed to fit me better. The day of graduation I cut my hair to ear length and it just felt right to me.
my way and I was stoked. I just needed to wait for the go ahead letter to come in the mail. Every day after school, I got off the bus and checked the mail. I waited patiently knowing it would come soon. Then my mom got a call that said my doctor could no longer see patients under 18 years of age and that I needed to come in for one more appointment. At the appointment he gave me a half a year prescription for testosterone incase he couldn’t find us a replacement fast enough. He put my dose down because my levels were not balanced and he told me that I could not get
During the summer before grade nine, I lost a lot of weight. I wasn’t trying to or anything – it kind of just happened. My second period class of my first semester of high school was a female phys-ed class. When I walked in with my short hair, male gym shorts and a t shirt I was asked if I was lost. The gym teacher said “the male gym class is next door.” I wish I could have walked over there but I couldn’t; I was enrolled in a female gym class. I despised it, I was embarrassed and I really didn’t belong there. Halfway through the semester
Jan. 15 2018
I finally came out as trans to a few people in that class and they were happy to address me by Jay and use he/him pronouns. I was happy to have a few people that were understanding. In the second semester of grade nine I got my name changed in the system from Jayden to Jay. I also got my pronouns changed from she to he; in hopes that some of the teachers would start to use them. Thankfully when I got to high school the teasing stopped and kids stopped calling me names, so that was definitely a positive thing. I was even able to make a few friends that didn’t find it funny to make fun of me behind my back. Ironically I had moved in 2015 and was scared that I wouldn’t have any friends out there, but the friends I made were on my bus and lived 5 minutes down the street. In February 2016 I came out as trans to my mom. She was supportive, although she said she did not want me starting any hormone replacement therapy until my brain was fully developed, in case I changed my mind. By my surprise she came to me that summer and said she would sign the papers so I could start Testosterone. I was so excited. I didn’t even knowwhat to say. I had to go through counseling first and get referred to an endocrinologist and after I did that I was finally on testosterone. July 29 2016 is my “man-niversarry” as us trans men call it. As soon as I got my prescription for it I immediately called my best friend Trin, we had
top surgery. That is all I heard. It was the worse news I had ever received. It hurt so bad. I had built myself up and had been so prepared for that surgery and had it all torn away. I was broken and
it knocked me off my feet. My body even seemed to reject it because I still checked the mail everyday. Time passed probably a few months or so and I finally talked to one of my trans friends about it. He told me how to overcome it, he told me how to get on the waiting list for when I do turn eighteen and he told me the way I was feeling was valid. After having this talk with him I felt better and was able to get on my feet. I quit checking the mail every day and continued on with life.
May 2016
January 29 2018 was my one and a half years on testosterone and looking back from the start to now I am just so amazed. Not only am I amazed but I am proud of myself and how far I have come. I can finally say I love myself. It has not been easy at all but it has been worth every thing. I would have never thought that I would be this far but here I am today and I am so proud.
PRIDE Villager
Page 4 Issue 1 • Spring 2018
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