čin da oprostiš ljudima, jer ako to ne učiniš, ostaješ u priči koja nema kraja. A Ferara je svoju priču doveo do kraja, da bi potom pronašao novu. Ka- da je mogao da snima filmove u Holi- vudu, u vreme najveće slave, odlučio je da napusti taj svet, u kojem se, ka- ko kaže, osećao neprijatno. – Imam tu neku autodestruktivnu crtu, i umetnički i fizički. Roditelji su mi bili radnička klasa, porodica mo- je majke bila je nenormalno siromaš- na, bukvalno nisu znali kada će jesti, a sve je to na mene ostavilo trag. Kad sam imao priliku da budem u novcu i slavi, meni se to nekako gadilo i gnu- šao sam se samog sebe znajući da tu ne pripadam. Nešto se u meni budilo i bunilo, pa sam otišao iz Holivuda, po- stao alkoholičar, navučen na droge… Iz tog se pakla izvukao uz pomoć prijatelja i porodice. Dugo je već tre- zan i svestan, srećno oženjen mnogo mlađom lepoticom iz Moldavije, sa kojom ima ćerkicu od tri godine. Po- nosno mi pokazuje njene slike u tele- fonu. Devojčica lepa kao anđeo, pa ša- ljivo kažem da je srećom povukla na mamu. On se prvi put iskreno smeje i slaže se da je to velika sreća. Holivud prezire, ali se na njega ne ljuti. Kaže da je i sam kao klinac trčao u bioskop da gleda filmove o junacima kao što su Ben Hur ili Spartak. Ne čudi ga što fabrika snova danas uglavnom prodaje superheroje i naučnu fantasti- ku. Pitam ga da li gleda te filmove? – Je l’ imaš utisak da mi je 12 go- dina? A man born and raised in New York, he doesn’t miss that city. He speaks about it without an ounce of nostalgia, or at least that’s how he presents himself. He says that this city is no longer his, that he doesn’t recognise it or even know it Čoveku koji je odrastao i nastao u tom gradu, Njujork ne nedostaje. O njemu govori bez trunke nostalgije ili se bar tako predstavlja. Kaže da taj grad više nije njegov, da ga ne poznaje
Holivud prezire, ali se na njega ne ljuti Hollywood, but isn’t angered by it
sincerely repents and seeks forgiveness. Har- vey played that role so wonderfully and con- vincingly. But one hallucination isn’t enough to change a life. Can he get a chance to re- deem himself? Probably not, the movie ends before that happens... -Whatdoyoumeanprobably?Youkilled him at the end of the film! - And how do you know he’s dead? They shot nine bullets into 50 Cent and the man is still alive. Perhaps forgiveness arrives in Bad Lieutenant Part 2. We don’t know if Harvey is dead – we only see him being shot and that’s all. And everyone can receive forgive- ness, because the essence of life is in com- passion. Trying to understand people and to empathise – that’s the starting point for all the spirituality of this world, from which come Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad and all the rest. Find a way to forgive people, because if you don’t do that you remain stuck in a sto- ry that has no end. And Ferrara brought his own story to an end only to be able to find a new one. When he was in a position to make movies in Hol- lywood, during the time of the greatest suc- cesses, he decided to abandon that world, in which he says he felt uncomfortable. - I have some kind of self-destructive
quality, both artistically and physically. My parents were working class, my mother’s family was abnormally poor – they literally didn’t know when they would eat next, and all this left a mark on me. When I had the op- portunity to have money and be celebrated, that somehow sickened me, and I repulsed myself, knowing that I didn’t belong there. Something in me awakened and rebelled, so I left Hollywood and became an alcohol- ic, addicted to drugs... He emerged from this hell with the help of friends and family. He has long been sober and conscious, and he is now happily married to a much younger woman from Moldovia, with whom he has a three-year-old daugh- ter. He proudly shows me her pictures on his phone. A little girl as beautiful as an angel, I jest that she luckily takes after her mother. He laughs sincerely for the first time, then agrees that she is very fortunate. He despises Hollywood, but isn’t angered by it. He says that he himself rushed to the cin- ema as a kid to watch movies about heroes like Ben-Hur or Spartacus. He isn’t surprised that this factory of dreams is today mainly selling superheroes and science fiction. I ask him if he watches those films. - What am I, 12 years old?
He despises
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