Dr. Narramore, graduate of Columbia University, New York City, is a nationally known psychologist. He is the director of one of America's largest psychological clinics— The Christian Counseling center in Pasadena, California.
How can a wife help a husband who demonstrates bizarre sexual de viations? First, it is important that she understands that most sex prob lems are not organic in nature. In stead, they reflect basic personality disturbances. Armed with this in sight, a woman can then look at her husband’s problems not so much with loathsome eyes as with eyes of com passion and understanding. She may be repulsed by his actions, but she can separate her feelings from the man himself. She then is more apt to want to help him. She will realize that he has not purposely taken this unnatural path, but that he has been deprived of certain basic emotional needs throughout childhood, adoles cence, or adulthood. This in turn has produced an adult whose sexual deviation is a signal that he is in need of help. The wife, of course, can encourage her husband to talk about his early life and lead him into deeper understanding of his person ality needs. When he sees that his sexual deviation is basically a per sonality problem, he will be more likely to respond to suggestions to seek Christ - centered professional help. Sexual deviation is never resolved" by continuing in it. It is not pleasant for the wife, and, of course, it doesn’t help the husband. In some cases a wife must seek legal counsel in order to protect herself and also to encourage the husband to get the help he so desperately needs. But she can usually help her husband most when she has a more thorough understanding of his problem, view ing it with kindness and maturity. This, plus professional referral, has helped many men to become well ad justed and to fulfill the responsible role to which God has called them.
same problem, they would employ scores of ways of trying to prove to themselves (or to their friends) that they do not have such a problem. Indeed, people find strange ways of compensating for their true feelings. Realizing this, it is understandable that some people show their malad justments in sexual ways since sex is a strong, vital, aspect of life. A man, for example, may show his hostilities by shouting at his wife and children. Another man, on the other hand, may reveal his hostilities by refusing to talk. One husband may reveal his overwhelming inse curity by withdrawing from other people, while another may reveal his feelings of extreme insecurity by en gaging in certain bizarre sexual practices or even refraining from normal relations. In fact, almost every kind of human maladjustment may reflect itself in a variety of sex ual expressions. Sexual behavior is significant. It furnishes clues to good or poor per sonality adjustment. Have you ever wondered why, in private therapy, a counselor often discusses a client’s sex life? The answer, of course, is that a normal sex life tends to re flect a normal personality adjust ment, whereas an abnormal sex life usually reflects serious personality problems. A sexual deviate may cover up his problem very cleverly. No one but his wife may know. To the people in the community, he may appear to be a “perfect” husband. No one may suspect his deep disturbances. But in a psychologist’s office he is given psychological tests, and these malad justments begin to come to light. It is then that the therapist is able to detect what the problems are and how they developed.
PATHS OF PERVERSION Q. I have enjoyed your magazine page. Recently you were discussing how to answer a child’s question on sex, and I have decided that you can help me with a question that has bothered me for a long time. I actu ally believe that this problem is the cause of much marriage disharmony. I would like the answer to the question: what causes perversion in a marriage relationship? Why would a husband want to do strange things sexually? (I do not refer to normal practices.) A. Through the years I’ve been im pressed with the number of women who have written about their hus band’s sexual deviations. From every comer of the nation, and, indeed, from many parts of the world, let ters have poured in about this prob lem. Such letters usually fall into two groups: those who tell of extreme deviation of their husband, and, sec ondly, those who ask if certain prac tices are normal. Some wives know that their husbands are making de mands which are far from those for which the human body was designed. Other wives, however, are in a quan- dry. “ Is this normal?” they ask. Then page after page they describe the gruesome orgies which please their husband. All human beings, of course, do have at least some problems. Fur thermore, they show their problems in many different ways. It is only natural, then, that some people show their maladjustments through vari ous means, possibly sexually. If a woman, for example, has an inadequate image of herself, she usually tries to make up for this lack. If a hundred women had the
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