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by Dr. Don W . Hillis
Let's Rewrite the Marriage Vows
T here I was , walking slowly down the aisle to the lovely strains of Lohengrin’s wedding march. I was wearing the most beautiful bridal dress and veil any doting parents could give their only daughter. The church was artistically decorated and I held in my arms an exquisite bouquet of roses. Tim stood at the altar, tall, handsome and happy. Warm bursts of excitement and love flooded my whole being as he took my arm at the front of the church. Then in quiet, sober tones the pastor commenced to speak. After a brief message on the importance of love in the husband-wife relationship, he began to pronounce the wedding vows. That was when it happened. All at once I realized what I was doing — the commitments I was making. The unreasonableness of it shook me. The horror of it gripped my heart and filled me with fear. The pastor was saying, “ Beth, will you take Tim to be your wedded husband, to live together according to the ordinances o f the church in the holy estate of matri mony? Will you obey him and serve him, love him, honor him, and keep him in sickness and health, in poverty and wealth, and forsaking all others keep your self only for him as long as you both shall live?” All at once I knew I shouldn’t say, “ I will.” All at once a thousand reasons why I should say “ No” flooded through my mind. Anyone of a dozen things could hap pen to Tim in the first twenty-four hours of our mar ried life which would make the next forty years a liv ing nightmare. Why hadn’t I thought of this before— why was I making such irrational promises to any man? But there I was and what should I do but say, “ I will” ? The pastor then asked me to repeat the following words after him, “ I, Beth, take you, Tim, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day onward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, to love, cherish and obey till death. . . .” I blacked out at that point. Several of the women uttered muffled screams as I sank to the floor. It was all a fake on my part, but it looked real. I had to have time to either change or rethink the wedding vows. As Tim tenderly lifted me in his arms and carried me out of the church, I heard the pastor say, “ Friends, I’m sorry about this, but I’m sure Beth will be all right in a few hours. She has been working hard and is, no doubt, overly tired. We will complete the wedding in the home of her parents when she is feeling better. Perhaps it will be just as well for it to be a private ceremony.” As father, mother and I sat around the breakfast table the next morning, I started the conversation. “ I’m terribly sorry about yesterday,” I said. “ I know you were disappointed and even mortified, but I had to do something about those wedding vows. They have to be changed. It’s not right to ask any girl to make such promises to any man. I’m supposed to love Tim as long as I live more than I love you or anyone else on earth, regardless of what happens to him or of what he turns out to be.”
My father couldn’t hold in check his horrified re action. “ Beth, if you marry Tim or any other man whom you do not love enough to make such promises gladly— you are not my daughter.” Mother’s reaction was more restrained. She said, “ I see your point, Beth. There are many things which could happen to either of you or Tim which would pro duce some real hardships and problems in your married life. Perhaps it would be well if we re-wrote the mar riage vows.” With pencil in hand, mother began to write: “ I, Beth, take you, Tim, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold as long as you are well and strong, to for sake when sickness comes along, to love and cherish when I feel like it, to obey when it is to my advantage, to serve as long as you maintain a living standard commensurate with my desires, and forsaking all oth ers, I will keep myself for thee only, until a better man comes along.” “ Stop it!” I snapped. “Yes, dear,” mother replied, then added, “ there is one thing more unreasonable than getting married within the unqualified bonds o f sacred matrimony—that is, to get married apart from a love which wholeheart edly accepts those bonds.” “ I guess you’re right,” I stammered. “ It would be foolish to get married if your wedding vows were filled with ‘ifs’ and ‘buts.’ I wouldn’t want Tim’s promises to me filled with conditions.” “ Daddy and I have enjoyed 24 wonderful years to gether,” interrupted mother. “ It was our unqualified love for and unconditional commitment to one another which have made our married life delightful.” All at once I wanted to enter into that same su premely happy entanglement my parents had been en joying for so many years. A telephone call to Tim — repentance, tears, forgiveness, and a mutual, unquali fied confession of love for one another brought it about. And how lovely it is to be Tim’s wife — how exciting to love him, honor him, and keep myself only for him! There was a time when I thought the claims of Christ were horribly unreasonable. I rebelled against such demands as — “ If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple,” and “ So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26, 33). These verses insist on unconditional commitment to'Jesus Christ. They make no allowances for “ ifs” and “ buts.” They didn’t look fair. But now I see it all. True discipleship cannot be conditional. It’s the old story about having to love God with all the heart, soul, mind, and strength. Just as divided loves and loyalties ruin a marriage so they will render our relationship with the Lord fruitless, which I suppose is just another way of saying, “ If He’s not Lord of all, He’s not Lord at all.”
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THE KING'S BUSINESS
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