American Consequences - November 2020

child development – who better to father our flock than the father of our country, George Washington? But as well-bred and as carefully reared as our newly hatched political poultry may be, we can’t just send them from their pens into the political wild. They would be easy prey for Washington wolves, Capitol Hill coyotes, House hyenas, Senate snakes, and Oval Office omnivores. I think what we’ll have to do is gather everyone who ran for office in 2020, put them in a cage, place the cage just outside the chicken wire surrounding our new and improved fledgling politicians, and have Barbara and George tell them: “ This is what a predator looks like! ”

handling [prudence and accountability], outdoor [inside smoke-filled room] safety and survival skills, hunting [Constitutionality of ] laws, and your responsibilities as a hunter [voter]. Meanwhile, as I proposed earlier, our hunting dogs – trained to seek virtue, integrity, character, principles, and leadership – have been roaming the political landscape trying to find decent candidates. What if they come up empty? I’m familiar with this dilemma, as a hunter as well as a voter. My state’s population has been growing. More homes, stores, and commercial buildings have been built in what used to be bird covers. With fewer farms and orchards and more timbering and paving, the number of wild game birds is down. One answer to the problem is to breed game birds in captivity and put them out on hunting preserves. This is already being done both privately and by the state’s Fish and Game Department. Maybe we could do the same thing with politicians. Science has made enormous strides in genetic engineering and artificial insemination. Perhaps we could raise a flock of new politicians. And possibly, with judicious use of DNA replication, we could breed much better politicians than we have now. My personal preference would be for an egg donation by Margaret Thatcher and a sperm donation from Winston Churchill. (Or make that Golda Meir and Nelson Mandela if you want more diversity.) To make sure that our political “chicks” are raised in a proper family environment, I’d clone Barbara Bush. And – since a two-parent household is optimal for

On a previous hunting trip – where we managed to keep our minds off politics... Left to right: American Consequences Publisher Jamison Miller and Editor in Chief P.J. O'Rourke with Porter Stansberry’s dog, Scout.

American Consequences


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