Caddieing With Contempt
We had a caddie at my childhood course who had zero tolerance for taking more steps than absolutely necessary. This came to a boil whenever one of his players topped a drive on a hole where he was fore-caddieing to spot balls. That angry walk back, those negative steps, was the ultimate insult to him. So this was the drill: If he had to go back for you one time, for the rest of the round on any forecaddie hole, he’d give you your driver and your 5-iron, in case you needed more than one shot to reach him.
UNTHINKING HOST We were playing one of those great old courses that has the unfortunate history of taking a while to allow women to join. I was the only woman in our group. We had a fun day, and afterwards everyone went to the locker rooms to freshen up before grabbing drinks. When I came out of the women’s locker room, no one from my group was to be found. I poked around, not sure where I was allowed to go without my host. An uneasiness comes with being a guest at a new club; you don’t want to make any accidental missteps. That feeling only grows as a lone female at a club that hasn’t always allowed women. It feels like whatever you do will reflect on all women, not just you. That was a lot of pressure to carry as I wandered alone, unsure of where to go or what to do. Eventually I ended up on an outdoor patio. It had a bar, and it was a beautiful day, so don’t feel too bad for me, but when the rest of my group came out after taking a tour of the men’s locker room and enjoying the bar in there, I can’t say I was impressed.
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UNNECESSARY PUTTING
longer matters, yet often the player will try to putt it to show the teammate the line or for a “score.” Sometimes the teammate will claim the player can putt it if he or she wishes. This exposes a fundamental misunderstanding of the game you are playing. Your hole is over at this point – another putt is nothing but a d!#k move.
In a fourball match, Team A makes a 4. Team B has one player with a putt to tie the hole, and another player lies 4 on his partner’s line. This ball is dead; it has no meaning in the match whatsoever, so putting it would be like making another move after checkmate
PIN-IN GUY When you play
tournament golf, you see
everything: the slow player, the nonstop talker, the guy who can’t believe how bad he’s playing (“You should have seen me yesterday!”). A new variety that has been recently created is the pin-in guy. This is the guy who must have the pin in no matter what, resulting in the flagstick going in, out, in, out on every hole, even when the idea of making the cut is a distant memory. We’ll gladly grant exemptions to tour players who are playing for their living and history, but to all others, get over yourself.
in chess. There is no need to concede the putt because it no
FOOLING A FOOL It’s a dogleg-right par 4 to a blind green, driveable when the tees are up and the wind is at your back, as both hap- pened to be on the day in question. The loudmouth of the club – the guy with the bright-orange sports car who gets a $200 haircut every three weeks – steps up and blasts a honey over the corner – not that he bothered to check if the green was clear of the two walking teenagers ahead. Loudmouth drives up and, lo and behold, finds his ball in the cup. News of the magnificent ace circulates like wild- fire. A congratulatory email is sent from the club manager to the membership. By the time Loudmouth stops hold- ing court in the bar and the tender closes for the night, the tab has eclipsed $6 000. Although too young to take part in the celebration, the teenagers sense the event’s escalating enormity. The next day, everyone at the club is still talking about it. Guilt sets in. One teenager tells his father that the ball had, in fact, kicked into the stream by the green – after nearly hitting them – and that he retrieved the ball and placed it in the cup. The father is not happy. After some pained consideration (though one wonders if not with a modicum of glee) the father phones Loudmouth with the truth and offers to split the bar tab, but the man is too broken to respond just yet.
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