TALKING IT OVER with Dr, Clyde M, Narramore
"MARRIAGE P R O B LEM - MOTHER'S DILEMMA" Q. Can you help us with our mar riage problem? We have tried to see what our basic problem is and cor rect it, but we get into the same rut again and again. My husband says I’m lazy and good-for-nothing . . . mainly because our house doesn’t al ways look neat. We have three small children and another on the way. I’m about 25 pounds overweight and I don’t have much energy; I’m tired all the time. There are hundreds of little things to do every day which cannot be seen at all when evening comes . . . like dressing the children several times, combing hair, brush ing teeth, bathing, reading to, sing ing with, breaking up difficulties, spanking, meals, dishes, putting bandaids on scraped knees, etc., etc. I love my husband very much and I know down deep in his heart he loves me, but it’s so clouded over it is almost choked out. I can never please him, but I want to and really try. He tells me he could have mar ried such beautiful girls. I’m just plain-looking. I want to lose weight and be as pretty as I can for him, but I have been pregnant most of our married life and the care of the children leaves little or no time for me to spend on myself. We have never been out without our chil dren, except for two hours when I was asked to play for a church din ner. We never go anywhere except to church. Surely God wants our mar riage to last. Can you help us? A. Yes, there is help for you. First, I would like to say a word to all who are not yet married. It is so very important to learn to know well the person whom you intend to marry before you say, “ I do.” You might side-step a whole life of mis ery. Take the time to study the hab its and characteristics of the one with whom you intend to spend the rest of your life. It is much easier to live with him, if you have faced the problems and know what you are getting into. To this discouraged wife and mother I would like to say many oth ers have come to Christian marriage counselors w ith similar problems
Dr. Karramore, graduate of Columbia University, Now York City, is a Rationally known psychologist. Ho is the director of one of America's
largest psychological clinics— The Christian Counseling center in Rosemead, California.
and found permanent help. They can give you the type of help you can not give yourself, just as a medical doctor could prescribe treatment for a physical ailment. I was very interested in the fact that this young mother had been out, without her children, only once for two hours. All parents should get away frequently, together, and if at all possible without the children. Within a year after this couple were married, they began having children and are still having them. It takes time for the physical ener gies of the body to be restored to normal after childbearing and hav ing babies too close together can drain a woman physically and psy chologically. Young couples who wish their marriage to succeed need to consider this carefully. It is fine for a couple to go to church together, but there are many other fine places a Christian can go to get away from the same ness of everyday living. We all need times for relaxation and fel lowship. Very often marriage problems have a physical cause. If a person is considerably overweight, is low in energy, tired all the time, she may need medical help. So many people unwisely n e g le c t getting either medical or psychological help until their lives have fallen apart . . . when much suffering and unhappi ness could be avoided if such help were sought. A person should not go on living in misery when there is professional help available. W ILL WEARING A WEDDING RING BAR HER FROM HEAVEN? Q. I wear a watch and a wedding band, and I believe that is all the jewelry that is necessary for me to wear. Yet some of my close friends
think that I am very wrong to wear a ring. It frightens me to think that I might be doing something which would bar me from heaven. Do you think it is sinful to wear a wedding band? I hope you can enlighten me on these matters, as they weigh heavily on my mind. A. “Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32). What is the basis for getting to heaven? The Bible is very specific regarding the necessary require ments. “ For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of your selves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.” (Ephesians 2 :8, 9 ). How sad it would be if our salva tion . . . if our getting to heaven, depended upon whether or not we wear a ring or do not wear a ring. Again in Titus 3:5 we read, “Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us . . .” In other words, salvation is not anything that we do or don’t do, but what Christ has done on Calvary in our behalf. Do you remember the story in the Word of God about the prodigal son? When he returned to his father, the father said to get the finest robe and put it on him and also put a ring on his finger. Also in Genesis 41:42 we read, “ And Pharaoh took off his ring from his hand, and put it upon Jo seph’s hand, and arrayed him in ves tures of fine linen, and put a gold chain about his neck. . . .” We do not find in the record that Joseph re fused these honors. The wedding band is the symbol of an endless bond. We can wear it with dignity and freedom from guilt. We can rest assured that we would never be rejected from heaven because of wearing a ring. We are “ accepted in the Beloved.” Jesus Christ, our Righteousness.
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THE KING'S BUSINESS
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