IF A GUY DRINKS WHITE WINE, HE’S LIBERAL. IF A GIRL DRINKS WHISKEY, SHE’S CONSERVATIVE.
didn’t get any SEC scholarship offers, he used to be conservative but is liberal now. If a man was the lead role in his high school play but didn’t get into Juilliard, he used to be liberal but is conservative now. If a man over fifty has a DON’T TREAD ON ME tattoo, he’s liberal. If a man under fifty has one, he’s a suspect in the January 6 commission. If a man is wearing an authentic horse- man’s duster from J. Peterman, it’s actu- ally three small boys trying to get into an R-rated movie. If a woman is wearing an authentic horseman’s duster from J. Peterman, she’s liberal and she has a gun. If your great aunt Tillie comes home for the holidays wearing flowing scarves and wailing on a harmonica, there’s a chance it’s Steven Tyler of Aerosmith impersonating your great aunt Tillie so he can crash your dinner. Either way, do not eat that butternut squash casserole they brought. If anyone is wearing a MAGA hat, they’re just trying to get a rise out of you. Don’t fall for it. * Reese Cassard is a copywriter in Boulder, Colorado, where he skis, hikes, and writes humor. Gary M. Almeter lives in Baltimore and is an attorney, legal content writer, and the author of the novel Kissing the Roadkill Back to Life .
If someone can hear the difference between Beethoven and Debussy, they vote liberal but donate money to Republicans. If a man wears dress shirts with monogrammed cuffs, he is conservative. If a woman wears dress shirts with monogrammed cuffs, she is liberal. If anyone wears those dress shirts that don’t have a collar, they are a cult leader. If a man was the quarterback on his high school football team but
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