It’s Not Just the Wicked Witch of the West
The Benefits of Positive Relationships
Narcissists Have Flying Monkeys, Too
If you’ve ever seen “The Wizard of Oz,” you know the movie’s villain, the Wicked Witch of the West, has a team of flying monkeys doing her bidding. She tells them what to do, and they comply without question, attacking their master’s enemies on command. The witch just might have been a narcissist, because narcissists have flying monkeys, too. Theirs aren’t literal monkeys with tiny vests and hats, but rather friends, family members, and spouses who get caught up in the narcissist’s schemes and attack others on their behalf. Flying monkeys go after the narcissist’s “enemies” by guilt-tripping them, gaslighting them, bad-mouthing them, or otherwise justifying the narcissist’s bad behavior. They also allow the narcissist to keep their hands relatively clean, since the flying monkeys do so much of the dirty work. There are many reasons a person becomes a flying monkey. Sometimes, they’re especially protective of the narcissist and don’t believe they can do anything wrong (seen often in parent/child relationships). Other times, they thrive on the drama and know their role will keep them at the center of any conflict. Flying monkeys can also be narcissists themselves and see their proximity to the other narcissist as a good way to gain attention and status (this happens often in the workplace). Many flying monkeys are also victims of abuse, who are generally manipulated or brow-beaten into doing the narcissist’s bidding. If a victim is sure they’re always on the abuser’s side by going on the attack against others, they lower the risk of facing the abuser’s rage themselves. Emotional abuse also affects a person’s sense of right and wrong, along with their decision-making ability. Flying monkeys often don’t realize what they’re doing, and when they try to stop, their narcissist usually doesn’t take it well. In fact, the ex-monkey will likely face the wrath of the remaining flock directly — especially in the case of divorce. It can take time and assistance for an ex-monkey to extricate themselves from the narcissist. Anyone who has done a narcissist’s dirty work will have some amends to make to the people around them, and some relationships may ultimately be beyond repair. When someone decides to hang up their monkey wings, the best thing they can do for themselves is seek therapy to understand why they took on this role — and how to prevent it from happening again.
Good for Mind and Health
Connecting with other humans in a positive way is one of the most profound experiences we have. That positivity is one of the greatest virtues — it’s contagious, and engaging in happy relationships with others is extremely important not only for our minds but also for our health. Longer Lives Studies have actually shown that when people are involved in positive relationships, they live longer. This is likely attributed to decreased stress, as stress can exact a toll on the entire body. Positive relationships can also encourage us to give up negative habits such as drinking or smoking, which cause many health problems and concerns. Healthy habits can help people live longer lives. Quicker Healing Positive people in our lives can distract us from pain, remind us to take medication, be our advocates, and simply reduce stress. And less stress means healing takes place faster. Those who have a support person feel more confident and prepared to undergo surgeries and fight illnesses as well. Boosted Immune Systems It makes sense — people who have less stress have stronger immune systems. During times of high stress, our bodies are more susceptible to illnesses because our immune system’s ability to fight off antigens is reduced. The stress hormone corticosteroid can also lower the number of lymphocytes available to fight infection. However, when we are in a happy and loving relationship, our bodies produce oxytocin, and we are less likely to get sick. Better Physical Shape Being in a positive relationship, especially a romantic one, can provide the motivation to be the best version of ourselves. This includes our physical condition, too! Having a friend or workout partner to encourage accountability and even push us out of our comfort zone a bit at the gym can keep us motivated. Being in a positive, healthy, and happy relationship means we listen to each other, offer advice, openly communicate without judgment, practice respect and trust, and engage in healthy activities together. So, it’s no surprise that positive relationships work wonders for our health and happiness.
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