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Coming to terms with the death of a loved one is one of life’s most challeng- ing journeys. Grief after suicide
Strumming right along
When the death is from suicide, family members and friends can experience an even more complex kind of grief. While trying to cope with the pain of their sudden loss, they are overwhelmed by feelings of blame, anger and incomprehension.
By Lisa Etherington-Runions strikes chord with Ferguson Traditional Irish, Scottish music In most circles, Jesse Ferguson is known as the Bard of Cornwall. A folk musician from Cornwall, his love of Scottish and Irish traditional music was nurtured in the neighbourhood of Glen- garry County, home of North America's largest Highland Games. He sings and plays several musical instru- ments, including the guitar, mandolin, vio- lin, harmonica, bodhran and pennywhistle. He has performed solo and with other mu- sicians in Cornwall, Ottawa, Miramichi, Fredericton, New Brunswick, and Sydney, Nova Scotia, where he currently resides. “I was drawn to Cape Breton as one of Canada’s liveliest centres for Celtic music” said Ferguson, “but I’ve also enjoyed teach- ing English at Cape Breton University.” With years of experience, Ferguson has learned how to tailor a performance to the venue and to the crowd. He's played pub sets entirely of classic rock; he's played Celtic festival sets entirely of traditional folk; and he's always up for throwing his original songs in the mix to keep things fresh. Ferguson is a lively performer whose vast repertoire of songs allows him to please any crowd, and, yes, he takes requests. Ferguson has always been a creative per- son, and his energies were first expressed through visual arts, then music, and most recently through poetry. “I still practice all of these arts, though I spend most time on music and poetry now,” said Ferguson. “I’ve always been drawn to music simply because it can powerfully express my emo- tions and connect me with other people— with people of past generations in the case of Celtic/folk, and of course with my con- temporary listeners.” “As I reflect, I hope to look back on my life and see that I’ve been a good husband and father, and that, regardless of the worth the world places on my poetry and my music, I put everything I could into my art.” When asked if there is a motto, quote, song, or symbol that represents something he stands for or believes in, Ferguson is quick to say “my Scottish clan motto is Dul- cius Ex Asperis, which is Latin for “sweeter after difficulty.” “I like to keep it in mind when things in life don’t go easily,” he said. “If I ever get a tattoo, it would likely incorporate that motto”
Joanne Ledoux- Moshonas Canadian Mental Health Association
Adding to their burden is the stigma that still surrounds suicide. Survivors of sui- cide and their friends can help each other and themselves by gaining an under- standing of grief after suicide. For sur- vivors, it helps to know that the intensity of their feelings is normal. Survivors of suicide – the family and friends of a personwho died by suicide – feel the emotions that death always brings. Adding to their suffering is the shock of a sudden, often unexpected death. As well, theymay feel isolated and judged by society, friends and colleagues. Some people compare the emotional stress to being trapped on an endless roller-coaster. Survivors may feel: guilt, anger, blame, shame, confusion, relief, despair, betrayal and abandonment Suicide is a difficult topic for many peo- ple. Cultural and religious taboos can lead to judgmental or condemning atti- tudes. Some people prefer to avoid even discussing suicide and their lack of knowledge about it makes them fearful. Attitudes like these can isolate and fur- ther stress survivors. Survivors Are at Risk Survivors of suicide are at high risk of dying by suicide themselves. The experi- ence suddenly makes the idea of suicide very real, and it is not uncommon for sur- vivors to experience suicidal thoughts. Another factor is that suicide-related ill- nesses like depression run in families. Be- cause of this increased risk for suicide, survivors should not be isolated, but rather supported and encouraged to talk about all their feelings – even the most difficult ones. Survivor Coping Strategies No two people ever experience grief in the same way, or with the same intensity, but there are strategies that can help you cope with your loss. It is important to ac- knowledge that the death is a suicide. Also it is important to recognize your feelings and loss. Talking openly with your family so that everyone’s grief is ac- knowledged and can be expressed could help you in this difficult time. Try to find support groups where you can share sto- ries, memories and methods of coping. How Can I Help My Friend? Showing a willingness to listen is prob- ably themost important thing you can do for a friend who is a survivor of suicide. It may be distressing at first, but you’re not expected to provide answers. Instead, you can be a comforting, safe place for someone who desperately needs to talk.
Special photo Jesse Ferguson, affectionately known as the Bard of Cornwall, is a folk musician with a love of Scottish and Irish traditional music.
“I still love their music and perform some of it myself. Since falling in love with Celtic music in my late teens, I took the mandolin out of the closet and now play it regularly in addition to my guitar and bodhran (drum).” Living so far from home
Ferguson’s heritage coincides with his musical talents. Ferguson started playing music when he was roughly 10 years old. He comes from a musical family, where there have always been fiddlers on his
mother’s side of the family. However his biggest mu- sical influence early on was his father, who taught him how to play guitar and who also sings and plays harmonica. Ferguson’s father bought him a mandolin, but he
“I’ve always been drawn to music simply because it can powerfully express my emotions and connect me with other people—with people of past generations in the case of Celtic/folk, and of course with my contemporary listeners.” Jesse Ferguson Musician
is hard for Ferguson, as he doesn’t get home as often as he would like. Being able to perform a show or two when he re- turns just makes the holi- day that much more fun. “Cornwall has always had a vibrant music scene, and I’m happy to be a part of it when I head home,” he said. Ferguson will be head- ing home to headline at
wasn’t much interested in learning music theory in lesson format. Ferguson mothballed the mandolin, and in his early teens he became interested in the guitar, since that’s what most of his favourite musicians played. “I sometimes refer to myself as self- taught, but my father can certainly take some of the credit (or blame)” quips Fergu- son. “The biggest musical inspirations in my early years were the classic rock performers that my parents listened to: The Beatles, Tom Petty, Blue Rodeo, Neil Young, The Doors and The Rolling Stones.”
this year’s Highland Games in Maxville during the August long weekend, but will also be performing at a special Celtic night at East Side Mario’s in Cornwall on Aug. 2, along with special guest Rebecca Skye, on fiddle and vocals. As much as Ferguson likes the large con- cert stage, he is fond of the intimate setting that venues like East Side Mario’s have to offer. “It should be a great show.”
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