Dr. Clyde M. Narramore, graduate of Columbia Uni versity, New York City, is a psychologist and Consultant in Research and Guidance with one of the largest school systems in America.
Your Answers. In the No vember issue we published a letter from a woman who stated that al though her husband never gets drunk, he stops by the local tavern for a beer nearly every day after work. He is interested in Cub Scouts, occasion ally goes to church and is good to her and to the children. Should she con tinue to try to hide her husband’s habits from the children or should she encourage him to drink his beer and play cards in their home so he won’t have to go to a tavern? We asked our readers to help by sending in their experiences and their ideas on this problem. Here are a few of the representative answers. From Africa (Editor’ s note: This letter is from Jim Johnson, an editor of the “African Challenge ,” Africans leading month ly.) I hasten to answer because I’ve seen this situation before and because I was a drinker myself before I was saved. This is a case, to me, of the wife demanding a husband give up his habits without offering something positive in their place. It appears to me that the wife’s horror of cards and drink are not those that stem from her relationship to Christ but some kind of taboo law she experienced in her childhood. Consequently, she’s merely pitting her likes and dislikes against his. Since he’s interested in Cub Scouts I’d suggest she get him to organize a group and help him set up pro grams, camping, outings, etc. In or der for her to get him to stay out of the bar she must show an interest in what he likes of a constructive nature. Have the scouts over for their patrol meetings once in awhile; have refresh ments, the works. Next, the wife should ask his advice concerning Sunday school problems. They both are dealing with younger age groups. They will have a lot in common. Next get a Sunday school class to come to the home for a social or some kind of bee; make the hus band a definite part. Let him come
up with constructive projects for the Sunday school class. Once the wife gets him interested, church won’t be so difficult for him. During this time, the wife should not nag him about drinking. He’s al ready sensitive about it; once he finds that she’s offering something construc tive and willing to share his scout in terest, and once the Sunday school in fluence takes hold, he’ll curb that habit voluntarily. Finally, what they both need is a definite relationship to Christ. If she is a Christian already, then it is her responsibility to get the pastor to come and talk over the matter of salvation with him. The church should be the ground upon which to cultivate an active social life. And once she can get him interested via the Sunday school, church friends won’t be so un comfortable for him. I have seen this work out in other cases when either the wife or husband cultivated the other’s basic interests. The wife must take the initiative and search out the points of interest her husband has and develop them; he, in turn, will respond by taking care to drop those habits which irritate her. It may be an over-simplification —but it works. Man from Missouri writes Do not nag but be lovingly strong and have faith in prayer. God will show you what to do if you trust Him completely. I will add my prayer to yours and leave it in God’s hands. A doctor answers She should: 1) learn to pray'ef fectively, 2) live a positive, attractive Christian life, 3) check up on her church. Does the husband hear the gospel when he attends? And 4) if possible have consultation with a Christian psychologist. As a warning to others I’d say prevention is better than cure. Young people should be urgently warned against mixed marriages (believer-un believer). They rush blindly into these situations then cry for Christians to pray for their sins and spouses.
From California I have gone through worse exper iences since my husband gets very drunk. I was raised against'drinking and when we were married I didn’t know my husband drank. After many broken promises from him I finally went to an associate group of Alcohol ics Anonymous and learned many things—among them, “you can’t live another person’s life for him.” So as best I can, I lead my own life and let him alone. He does all his drink ing at home. He goes with me to church arid some church socials. It does embarrass me at times but I try to be tolerant since he likes to go to church. And if he is ever to change I realize it will be through a changed life made possible by the Lord Jesus Christ. I try never to nag about his drinking. I let him do as he pleases and I put him in God’s hands. I pray for God’s leading and His guidance in my own life. Another woman writes The story in the November issue could well be mine with a few dif ferent details. For years I nearly went insane at times seeking a solution and hiding it all behind a front of “all is well—very well.” It drove me more and more to the Bible. There I learned' how to please God. I was mocked for my faith in Jesus Christ and the Bi ble. But in time, God changed and quieted me and I saw the truth of God’s Word “Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.” Once I left all to the Lord, my husband was dealt with—with a vengeance that nearly broke my heart (I loved him so). Finally after over 24 years of married life, my husband loves the Lord beyond my fondest hopes.
Readers are invited to submit questions to both Dr. Narramore and Dr. Talbot. Address questions to them c/o The King's Business, 558 So. Hope Street, Los Angeles 17, Calif.
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