Caregiving Adjusting to Changing Dance Scenes Over the Years
• Using “I” statements One might say to a family member, “I could really use your help with caring for dad” or “I can take dad to the doctor this time, if you will take him next month.” These statements set clear intentions and thus help to maintain a relative degree of peace. • Children and Pets Research has shown that children or pets, perhaps in small doses at times, can have a positive impact for many folks on stress reduction. It is useful to find out and regularly return to those things that you or your loved one find pleasant. Jeremiah and I still step on each other’s toes from time to time but, as we adjust to each “new normal”, our brotherly dance becomes more and more complementary. Yes, it takes a bit of work and quite a bit of perseverance, still it’s all a labor of love to the best of our respective abilities. Ultimately, we need never to remain alone so long as we continue to seek out connection with compassionate friends and understanding confidants. Our family caregiver team is available to you as you go through life changes. Please feel free to contact the PCOA helpline at (520) 790-7262 and ask for Family Caregiver Support. All contacts are confidential. Take good care!
By Samuel Bandiera, PCOA Family Caregiver Support
how we will make some of our choices while still trying to maintain our own physical and mental health. As it turns out, we can and at times necessarily need to make hard choices so as to help all of us deal with these life changes. Such is the case with many family caregivers, so many whose lives have become unsettled by the changes in their family dynamics. Often an issue is our trying to regain the balance which will allow us to move forward with grace during these and other life changes. Adjustments need to be made in the "dance steps” of both our loved ones and ourself. Sometimes this takes the form of employing help from other family members, friends, neighbors and other folks in our community. As it turns out, we simply cannot and thankfully need not try to do it all ourselves. Help from others, especially from those who understand the struggle, is available. Here are a few coping strategies that we’ve found helpful: • Developing routines Having as much of a set schedule as possible can keep us grounded. Getting into a routine of care can remind us that while many things are changing, some things remain intact. • Self-care What gives us energy? Is it good music, being in nature, time with friends or a good book? Do I need to get away for a little respite? Might I benefit from seeing a counselor or attending a support group to know that I am not alone?
Coping Strategies for Life Changes When I first started competitive dancing in grade school, I had two left feet. My various dance partners and I stepped on each other's toes quite a bit, though not intentionally. Over time, I got better and so did my dance partners. My classmate Amy and I actually won our junior high dance contest! Later, such youthful dancing went by the wayside as my partners and I got older. We still enjoy dancing, albeit to slower music these days. Things change over time and the dance continues. As we experience the world through our own perceptions, unforeseen circumstances enter the picture and, by their very existence, sometimes put us out of balance. COVID-19 and all that has followed is a profound example of this. Also profound are the drastic changes that some folks experience when a loved one becomes ill in some fashion. My good friend Jeremiah has experienced ongoing memory loss over the past several years. It takes a renewed effort, sometimes daily, to respond to the changes that he continues to undergo; and though he remains like a brother to me, our relationship has necessarily changed. Some of these changes are simply too much to handle and so his family and I have needed to be creative in our caregiving. As caregivers, we can find ourselves in situations that we were simply not prepared for. It challenges us to consider
May 2022, Never Too Late | Page 11
Pima Council on Aging
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