Dear Candlelight, I started dating someone shortly before my father died. Now I feel frozen. I’m not really present, and I can tell my new partner doesn’t know how to help. I want to feel something again—but everything is dulled by loss. Has anyone else tried to nav- igate grief while in a new relationship? How do you let someone in when your whole world just cracked? — Half Here, Half Gone
Dear Half Here, Half Gone,
With grief, even happiness is colored with sadness. It can feel like, Oh, my life is growing—I’m getting this new partner! but also, Oh my God, my dad died. He doesn’t get to be part of this. What does that mean? Would he have liked him? Would he have wanted to get to know him? Would they have gone fishing? All of the what-ifs—everything you’re feeling—is very valid. It’s important to recognize that right now, happy feelings are going to feel a little sad. They’re two sides of the same coin. You have to feel through both of those things. And hopefully, as you’re getting started with this new relation- ship, your partner is open to hearing about that—support- ing you and being open to what you need in order to explore this relationship while also holding space for the immense grief and loss of identity that comes with losing a caregiver. In many ways, you’re also testing the emotional maturity of this new partner. There’s a lot to consider when starting a new relationship, because of course you’re going to feel good— but you’re also going to feel sad at the same time. And that’s ok. •
ABOUT OUR EXPERT: Michelle Smith, LPC, LMHC, LCMHC, is a licensed therapist offering trauma-informed, client-centered care across Florida, New Hampshire, Okla - homa, and Oregon. With specialties in grief, trauma, and anxiety, she draws from EMDR, clinical hypnosis, and group therapy to help clients move through pain with clarity and compassion. Her work is rooted in deep listening, subconscious healing, and a belief that real change is always possible.
Winter 2026
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